Group Therapy

Sex

"Should I Switch to an IUD?"

This question is from a Group Therapy post in our community.

This question is from a Group Therapy post in our community. Add your advice in the comments!

I am considering switching to an IUD after years of being on the pill. I am only considering a hormonal method (Mirena), and not the copper IUD. Does anybody have any experience, good or bad, with this form of birth control that they can share?

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relationships

"What Happened to My Sex Drive?"

This question is from a Group Therapy post in our community.

This question is from a Group Therapy post in our community. Add your advice in the comments!

I think a lot of women have had this issue at one point or another, but what do you do when you've completely lost your libido?

I've been in a relationship for 5 years. I'm very happy with my partner. I'm attracted to him physically and emotionally. But I just don't have it in me anymore! Sex feels like a chore to me now when I used to love it! It's really great when we manage to get into it, but it's always so hard to start and he always has to initiate because I never feel like it. I feel so bad because he thinks it's his fault, and it's not. Maybe TMI, but honestly, I don't even want to touch myself anymore.

My drive started to drop when I started taking Ortho Tri-Cyclen lo (when I was 18) and 2 months ago I started taking Aviane (I'm 24 now) do you think birth control has anything to do with it? I've only been on Aviane for such a short time. There's been some spotting (again TMI sorry) and that DEFINITELY doesn't make me feel sexy, but I'm told that's normal and will stop eventually . . .

We lived together for most of our relationship, but my boyfriend currently lives in another city (only an hour away) while he takes a 12-month course and would consider it semi-LDR because I can only see him every other weekend due to schedule conflicts (we've been doing this for 6 months so far). Because I don't see him often I WANT to want him. I miss him terribly when we're apart and count down the days till I can see him, so why don't I want sex or even to pleasure myself when he's not home with me? Please help!

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Advice

"My Wedding Is Making Me a Basket Case"

This question is from a Group Therapy post in our community.

This question is from a Group Therapy post in our community. Add your advice in the comments!

I'm about two months out from my wedding. I'm crazy stressed because a number of things (my job, my car, etc.) have either fallen apart or gotten extremely busy recently, and there is always something I'm behind on for wedding planning.

I constantly feel like there are about five things going wrong. Every so often, when one more thing goes wrong, I just kind of lose it. Like today I tripped on a rock and completely ate it while running and cut myself all up and just lost it on the trail, sobbing for like 10 minutes. I'm also never, ever hungry, but I always wish I had a drink. I mean I'm not like drinking every day or something, but food never sounds good, only wine does. I just make myself eat something and not drink.

I feel like a total basket case. I'm trying to delegate to bridesmaids and family, but there are so many things that only I can do. Is this normal? I feel like it's extreme.

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"We Aren't in a Relationship, but I'm Still Jealous"

This question is from a Group Therapy post in our community.

This question is from a Group Therapy post in our community. Add your advice in the comments!

Hello everybody,

I have had a guy in my life for maybe 4-5 years. We have dated for 2 of them and were best friends before that. It started out well: pampering and sweetness. The honeymoon phase you can say. Now I read our old chats and I see how insecure I was. He was sweet, and I was, well, always asking "what are you doing," "who are you talking to," "why are you so close to her," "you never text," "you never replied," and he started drifting away. He gave all passwords and kept everything open but I never met his friends much — he never let me. I felt so broken and used that at the time, doing everything to please him, not caring about my life. It disgusts me now. I had a bad experience in a relationship before and I never realized the after-effects have stayed.

Now we are in a phase that we broke up months ago due to my nagging and him taking me for granted, but we meet often, talk late nights and hug tight, and there are moments where we stop and say "we are just friends." Once or twice we even ended up in bed, and it feels so different than friends. The insecurity has grown even more now.

I can't see him as just friend and neither can he, but neither of us are wanting a relationship at the moment. I need to work on me. I have a shattered self esteem, confidence, and it's worsening every phase. But I can't cut him out . . . I can't. I have tried. Neither can he. We come back after a day or two.

There are so many female friends in his life, and especially a new one. She saw him at a friends party and acquired his number to text him, and now she texts him all day and calls him to cry about how her guy is messing her life and whatnot. It's not even been a month and she's all over facebook about the "special bond" they have. I know him. He isn't the "bond" and "bff" type, and he keeps telling me he doesn't want to date her. He just wants to talk, but I'm scared. I feel hatred for this girl. I know I shouldn't, but sometimes I just want to tell her to back off!

I have always had problems if girls come too close to him, especially the ones who randomly meet and give their numbers. I know I need to cut that jealousy, but it's so hard.

I've told him to draw a line with her, and he said he understands but . . .

Please tell me, am I wrong? What should I do?

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community

"Should I Reconnect With My First Love After a Breakup?"

This question is from a Group Therapy post in our community.

This question is from a Group Therapy post in our community. Add your advice in the comments!

I recently just got out of a relationship with my boyfriend of almost 3 years. The only problem I'm starting to have is that I'm starting to develop feelings for my other ex-boyfriend, the one I was with with before my 3-year relationship. This is my first time having contact my other in ex in 3 years. We've seen each other in passing, but didn't really speak because I was too scared to say something. I dont understand theses feelings. I can honestly admit that I never really got over this guy, even when I was in a 3-year relationship with my other boyfriend. I would think about him from time to time. I think I actually liked him better than my boyfriend.

As all these years went by without us speaking, I'm mature enough to want to get closure on things I never got say when we broke up. I was 18 at the time and now I'm 22. Im not the same person from that time period in my life. I've matured and been through things, and he has a son now. What do these feelings mean? Do I really miss him? I mean he contacted me first. For some reason we always find our way back to each other. He was like my first boyfriend or real crush in high school. I feel like no other guy I met understands me the way he does, even through all the other guys I dated. I swear I tried to completely forget about him, but I can't. Even the 3 years we didn't talk still had me wondering what if. I hate the fact that he does have a kid now, so that definitely is different for me to process.

I'm not thinking about getting into a relationship with him because I just got out of one a month ago. Today was our first day texting each other since 2010. Regardless of what happens, all I really want to do is get a few things off my chest and tell him how I really felt about our breakup in 2009. I never really got a chance to tell him because I cut off all contact with him to heal. I've done enough healing and now I want answers.

Since I've been out of my current relationship, it has made me have an epiphany, I would like to reconnect with the people I loved the most, and lost contact with through the years, and this includes my female friends too. Being in a long term relationship like that made me forget about a lot of important people I used to have in my life who are still trying to make an effort to be there. My boyfriend doesn't give a damn about me anymore and it's nice to know that other people do at least. I'm not doing this because of lonliness or trying to find a rebound guy. I just want to see where people are in their lives now after so many years of us not talking much. I'm mature enough now to want to reconnect with people because if this was me like 4 years ago, it would be impossible.

Am I wrong for having a new outlook on life to mend relationships? Life is too short, and I'm just trying to be happy no matter what.

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relationships

"My Boyfriend Lies About Escorts and Doesn't Trust Me"

This question is from a Group Therapy post in our community.

This question is from a Group Therapy post in our community. Add your advice in the comments!

So I've been dating my boyfriend for almost 4 years, and we have a one-year-old together. Things were great before we had my daughter. He somewhat changed when I found out I was pregnant. Anyways, before all of this I found a text message to a girl that he wants to have sex with who was an escort.

Let's fast-forward now: it seems as if since my daughter came into our lives things aren't how they use to be, which I understand after having a baby. So the night of my baby's birth he found out I activated my Facebook again. I denied it, but he caught me in that lie. Yes, I was wrong for lying about it but I didn't think he would have gotten so uptight about it. I just wanted to let the world know I was having a baby. So he forced me to give him my password, which I did, and he snooped and read some messages I had with a friend about how fun it was hanging out when I was single (way before my guy now). He freaked out about the message thinking I was reminiscing about the past, when it was just a message about how it was cool we hung out as friends. Yes, we got drunk at a friend's and kissed. My guy flipped.

That's where I want to start now. After that whole ordeal, things were OK, and he wasn't really a dad figure much. He smokes weed and goes out to his friends until 2-3 am, while I am at home with his baby. I don't think there has been a day where he spent the entire day with our daughter. I went to get my hair done once in the Summer, and he got super mad and called me while I listened to my child cry into the phone because he didn't know what to do.

Keep reading for the rest of this reader's dilemma.

community

"Can You Recommend Any Books For Depression and Anxiety?"

This question is from a Group Therapy post in our community.

This question is from a Group Therapy post in our community. Add your advice in the comments!

My life is falling apart. I've been suffering from depression, severe insecurity, self-esteem issues, and anxiety for years and years. My long-term relationship is suffering, and I don't know if there is anything left of it to salvage. I've moved out and back home. While I am finally seeking professional help, I'm having to wait a month between appointments and am still waiting for a psych assessment. Can anyone relate? I'm currently seeking books and other resources that could be of help to me in between appointments. I'm looking for self-help books on depression, anxiety, and relationships or any activities or other resources I could access that might keep me sane right now.

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"Can I Trust Him About the Future?"

This question is from a Group Therapy post in our community.

This question is from a Group Therapy post in our community. Add your advice in the comments!

I've been with someone for about six months now, and things have been going well. He's affectionate, caring, and respectful. The thing is, I get nervous when he starts talking about the future. Our future. He talks of how he's never felt this way before and marriage and so on. Which all sounds great, but I've been with men in the past who have said the exact same lines, only to find out that those lines were empty and meaningless. So I'm definitely jaded. Should I take what my current BF says with a grain of salt? How do I know when someone actually means what they say?

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community

"He's Mr. Unavailable Again"

This question is from a Group Therapy post in our community.

This question is from a Group Therapy post in our community. Add your advice in the comments!

So I met this guy online several years ago. We dated and had a long-distance relationship. Three years into the relationship, I was ready to relocate to his town. As soon as I started getting interviews in his town, he started saying that he wasn't ready for a relationship and that maybe 10 years down the road we could live in the same state. I found out he was cheating, forgave him and wanted to try counseling. But he didn't want to try counseling and broke up with me when it should have been the other way around.

I took an entire year to heal from this relationship from hell. I read a lot of self help books and started activities that I enjoyed to rebuild my self esteem. Then I decided to get back in the dating game and met an awesome man on a dating site who lived close to me. He opened doors and was nothing but a pure gentleman. We waited until three months into our relationship before becoming physical. I was so very happy with this new man and felt like what we had was special. We became intimate for the second time and afterwards he said, "I am afraid to be a boyfriend. I am not ready for a relationship. Can we just be friends?" I became furious and said some very nasty things to him. After I had cooled down, I apologized and wanted to sit down to discuss why I had been so hurt and upset. But he would not accept any form of an apology from me and refused to speak to me.

I've done everything right this time by taking the opportunity to get to know him before jumping into a relationship. I prayed over it and gave everything thoughtful contemplation. Yet things still didn't work out, and I feel like I have lost for the second time because he broke up with me when I did nothing to warrant it. I am not an emotionally unavailable woman and do want to be in a loving and committed relationship. I am hurt and frustrated that guys seem so available until the moment that they have had me. What can I do to prevent this from happening. I asked all the right questions and got "yes I want to be with you." Once he had me, I was no longer interesting!

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community

"I Like Him, but I Don't Think He's Stable Enough to Date"

This question is from a Group Therapy post in our community.

This question is from a Group Therapy post in our community. Add your advice in the comments!

I have a big dilemma. I used to date this guy and the things weren't going in the direction I was hoping, so I ended it. He seemed sort of emotionally unavailable and always stressed out regarding his work status (are they going to renew his post doc contract?, for how long?, etc.). I am looking for a committed, stable guy. He seems to be a nice man, but the major problem here is his work. He works on a contract, which ends the end of August. He is a post doc fellow who is hoping to land a permanent position in his field once his post doc ends. However, he comes from a different country and even though he has his permanent residency status here solved, unless he lands a permanent position in his field here, he will be looking for one in his country of origin. I don't think he is even remotely interested in taking a job that is out of his field, he would much rather go back to his country.

I am confused and even though I like him, I feel that at this moment it's the best we just stay friends. However, he approached me yesterday saying that he does not want to be just friends, that he really likes me and want us to start a real relationship again, but this time a better one, which means more committed. I am really confused. I would be most comfortable with us just being friends until I see that things changed and he really is more committed as he says he is. What's the best answer to give him? If he really likes me, is he going to accept the "friendship only" pace I am willing to take right now?

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