Boyfriend Texting Escort Service

Group Therapy: BF Texting Escort Service

April 26, 2011

This question is from a Group Therapy post in our TrèsSugar Community. Add your advice in the comments!

I discovered today that my boyfriend has been texting 3 different girls at an escort service. I confronted him if he was cheating on me, he denied it, so I asked him about the text messages that he sent and how he asked one girl "R you available at 6am" and one girl "how much it would cost to have a shower with her" . . . One was already down to meet up and telling him to pick her up and to call her. I don't understand why my boyfriend would want to message these girls. I have caught him before looking at their websites, but this time he actually texted them, he told me it was "in spite of me," but I have never done anything wrong. We have been together 2 years, he wants to marry me, have kids with me, everything, and grow old together. We have a great sex life, we have sex practically everyday. Is there something that I am missing? . . . It really hurts me because I would never do anything to ruin our relationship. I think that he wanted to do it, but just didn't. I don't know what to think right now. He keeps telling me that he didn't mean to do it or anything like that. But why would he? Is there any advice? Should I forgive him? I would have never thought he would be the type to do this to any girl.

Have a dilemma of your own? Post it anonymously to Group Therapy for advice, and check out what else is happening in the TrèsSugar Community.

Source: Thinkstock

28 Comments

SheIsSoFine 2 years

Wow...girl, you have my sympathy. I know you have children with him but his actions are unbelievable. He abused your trust. He needs to prove that this will never happen again. If he can't do that, then it is time to move on. I suspect that my husband looks at porn online. That doesn't bother me, as long as it doesn't become an addiction. A few months ago I wondered if he'd been with another woman on one of his business trips, but I had no way of actually knowing this. Our sex life is terrible. I'm completely faithful to him and I expect the same in return. We have a pretty good marriage otherwise. If your boyfriend is sending sexually explicit texts to other women, that indicates that he is either about to cheat or he has already done so. Betrayal is betrayal...it doesn't matter who he does it with or what the circumstances might be.

nbnb 2 years

hey hurt42, i think its sketch. while i understand you indulging him looking at pictures (its porn), setting up dates and telling the women what he wants to do to them is going way too far. even if its part of his "fantasy" i would not be cool with that. and there is totally a chance that its much more than a fantasy. he should not be telling you that you would be an idiot if you don't trust him. you shouldn't hold him and reassure him, you should take some time to process this. if your going to marry the dude you have to be able to trust him and you don't (and you shouldn't). good luck!

2 years

Hi Girls Have really appreciated reading your comments. I'm in a similar situation. Last night I got home from work and saw my fiance had left his laptop on. I browsed his internet history - something just told me to do it. And I found he had been emailing girls on adultwork.com. I know his fantasies are around prostitutes - he's open about that with me, and I know he looks on escort websites at pictures which I'm fine with (because I think if someone is going to look at pics/porn, they will do it regardless of what you ask), but I didn't realise he was emailing them. I went straight to a friend's house with his laptop and we looked at the cached pages, and found he had been emailing them setting up times and dates, and asking about prices. He had also been sending them sexual comments about what he'd like to do with them. I came home and confronted him, and he told me that they were JUST emails, and he would never act on them. He said it was all part of the fantasy. He had a nervous smile the whole time we spoke, and told me I was being an idiot if I didn't trust him. He also said he had neer met with any of the girls in the 8 months we'd been together, because why would he pay for it when he had me? I just don't know what to think. This is a guy who seemed so perfect to me, and although he has had many girlfriends he has never proposed to any of them apart from me. He says he wants a future and kids with me. And I love him to bits. He checks all my boxes of the perfect partner. Last night my whole world changed, and now I just feel suspicious and sick to my stomach. All he wanted to do last night was hold me and get reassurance I wouldn't leave him - but I can't let him see that I'm not as strong as he thinks I am. If he thinks I'm a pushover this will continue. Thoughts please girls, I really need it right now. Thank you x

Allytta 2 years

end the relationship. he is not trustworthy and will continue doing this and abusing you emotionally

jaunteecap 2 years

love can come and go but HERPES IS FOREVER. Just assume that he's already done it. Go to the doctor to make sure you don't have anything. while ur doing that, tell this guy 2 hit the road jack. or you might find a sore on your crack.

ckeller825 2 years

I've been in a six year relationship with a guy like this, except he would contact girls via craigslist. He claimed he wanted to marry me, have children with me, that he loved me so much, but that he only messaged these girls out of curiosity. It eventually got to the point where he DID meet up with a girl and slept with her behind my back, to which he later confessed, and then blamed ME for it. Long story short, you need to leave. This guy is garbage.

juicebox07 2 years

Dump this guy. He's a douche. Even if he pays for it, it's still cheating. I also agree with those who mentioned possible STD's. You should get yourself checked just to be safe.

jazzytummy 2 years

Get to a doctor and get yourself checked, because, seriously, he has already been at it with these women. After you do that and break up with this tool, say a prayer of thanks that you didn't find this out after you were married and/or had kids with him. Some other unlucky girl is going to end up with him and believe his lies.

lickety split 2 years

Sex addiction. He could bring home an STD to you. Do yOu want to be partnered to an addict? Do you want to constantly worry about him infecting you? Get rid of him and get your self some therapy. You didn't cause this, you didn't make him like this. Time and therapy will allow you to move on.

myhousemd 2 years

Whatever he has, whether it's an addiction or a personality problem, you can't fix it. And you can't make him want to fix it. Get away from him. I suggest breaking off all contact, since he is obviously a master manipulator.

amelioratelj 2 years

What a difficult and painful situation for you to stumble across. Please save yourself enormous pain and turmoil in your future by ending it NOW. The other posters are right- you are above that type of behavior and deserve so so so much more. Hold out for someone who TRULY loves you, and doesn't come with weird emotional baggage that "makes" them cheat.

tglynn 2 years

dump his ass. you deserve no less than perfect, girl.

jocupcake 2 years

Yeah, there are times when I think guys just make mistakes... but this doesn't sound like one of them. He doesn't even sound very sorry about what he's done, or understand that it's not ok to communicate with escort service workers when you have a girlfriend. If it were me, I would dump him immediately. I am just not able to fathom staying with a guy who would even THINK of pulling crap like that.

postmodernsleaze 2 years

I totally agree with sourcherry, I cannot imagine why anyone would even think of urging you to work this out. You're feeling guilty for some terrible things HE's doing and his only reason is "to spite you"? Respect yourself and get out. Find a man who respects you as a woman and as his partner. This guy is not worth it, he sounds like an asshole quite frankly.

onlysourcherry 2 years

I can't believe anyone is saying you should try to work this out! Please, please, please get out now! I think this guys has some addiction issues. You say he wants to marry you and have kids with you, but do YOU want to bring children into the world whose father is hiring escorts??? Really?

atraditionalist 2 years

"in spite of you"-he did it to hurt you. And you are going to let this loser continue dating you when this is how he reacts to whatever you did wrong-call a prostitute she didn't make my dinner! Have sex with a prostitute she told me to pick up the kids! This guy is bad news and seriously immature. Let the prostitutes have him-they're at least getting paid for his b*llsh*t

aliciatx 2 years

This would be a deal breaker for me, like Helen said, he's not just texting & flirting, he's checking prices & making appointments. I know you don't want to believe it, but he's already used these sex services. You have to look out for yourself. Could you really marry someone who might do this again? He sounds like a sex addict. Do you really want to put your health in danger if he catches an STD & passes it on to you? If you're not ready to let go of him yet, at least go to couples counseling, if he's not willing to go, then go yourself. For your sake, I hope you dump him. Good luck!!

missmaryb 2 years

I agree that if he's trying to schedule things and asking for prices, he's already done something he shouldn't or has every intention of doing something he shouldn't. I would have a hard time staying with a man who has a need to pay for it in addition to what he's already getting from me. I'm sorry, because I can imagine how much that must have hurt to find that out. You need to decide if you can forgive him 100% and put it 100% out of your relationship and never again bring it up. If you keep bringing it up and/or wondering what he's up to every time he picks up his phone or is out of your sight for 10 minutes, your relationship isn't healthy. It's your call, but really think long and hard before you decide to stay with him.

searching soul 2 years

An escort service? That's a huge deal. I agree with what one poster said about she could see how someone could get carried away with their feelings and have an affair. That's bad but can be possibly forgiven if the couple is committed to communicating and making sure it never happens again. If a guy is willing to pay prostitutes for sex and while he's in a relationship at that, to me that's a core moral issue. His ethics tell him it's okay to pay for sex and it's okay to pay for it and possibly expose himself and his girlfriend to an STD. This core value will be hard to change.Obviously, your values are not aligned. As Joe said, he might also be a sex addict. You can have a talk about it but I don't think it's going to change his desire for sex with escorts. This is really bad and I'm so sorry you have to go through this. I can't tell you what to do but personally, I could not stay. Unless he does some serious work to change and it's doubtful he will do that because he believes his behavior is acceptable and he blames you. I can pretty much guarantee that this situation is going to get worst. A core value is extremely difficult to change. He needs to perhaps be with someone who wants an open relationship or swingers lifestyle. It's better that you found this out now before you got married, had kids and found yourself in a Sandra Bullock, Jessie James or Tiger Woods scenario. Then you would really be devastated. Talk to a counselor on your own if you are finding it difficult to move on, so you can find clarity and strength. I wish you the best.

somekindofmagic 2 years

You're blaming yourself for everything that he did which is VERY wrong and believe me, no other woman would stay with a guy like that. And don't take that as a compliment like you're special for putting up with his crappy behavior because you will just end up being cheated on constantly and getting an std eventually. The fact that you're taking this so lightly is kinda scary.

Helen Danger 2 years

I don't think he is just texting. He's scheduling appointments and checking prices. That's evidence of a lot more than mere curiosity. I suspect he's bow-chicka-mow-wowing with them too. What self respecting call girl would let him keep contacting her just for fun without ever coming through with the goods? Sex with you every day is obviously not enough for him. In fact, one woman at a time is probably not enough for him. That shows an extremely high libido or a sex addiction. You'll never be able to keep up or even keep your self esteem safe around that. And marrying or having kids with a guy like him, tying yourself to him for 18+ years, sounds like a really bad idea to me.

Natalie Love 2 years

Well, if you catch someone doing something once, they've most likely done it many times without being caught... Just saying. I would suggest you break it off with him, why would you want to marry a man you can't trust? And if you've had unprotected sex with him (on the pill, whatever, long term relationship), I would get tested. You've most likely only seen the tip of the iceberg. Run, don't walk, away.

Venus1 2 years

I can understand how emotions can kick in and an individual can end up in bed with someone else. What I cannot understand is when it is being paid for how this can occur. The heart does not overall the head in these situations. There is also no spontaneity. Aside from that one of the great things about sex is the other person wanting you. None of these really apply when there is a pile of money at the foot of the bed. If you can sort this out with him, then OK, personally I could handle this a lot worse than a passionate affair he was having) if not, then I'm afraid the time has come to move on.

LaProfesora 2 years

I can't imagine how difficult this revelation was for you, but I have to agree with the other posters, and say that you really deserve much better than this. Under no circumstance, is it healthy to actually contact an escort service while in a long term, serious, monogamous relationship. He got caught red handed, and is too much of a coward to fess up and admit to you what his intentions were. This is a deal breaker for me, no matter how long you've been together. If he is capable of this, what else could he have been doing. You said so yourself, that you've caught him on websites before, he obviously has an inclination for this. You should only ask yourself, if this is the way you want to be treated and if you can continue to live in this way, and the answer to that should make it clear what your next move should be. Good Luck.

JoeTyndall 2 years

OP, You need to bring up the subject with him that he might be addicted to sex. (If you need help on how to do this, please do not hesitate to ask.)

Link Love

28 Comments