Sunday Confessional: My Husband Caught Me Masturbating

"My Husband Caught Me Masturbating: Should I Forgive Him?"

October 7, 2007

This question is from a Group Therapy post in our community. Add your advice in the comments!

My husband and I have been having a less than happening sex life lately. You see, he just got this new job where he has an hour and a half commute each way, so he has to get up really early in the morning, which means that he also goes to bed earlier than me, so we're on completely different schedules.

The other night, I was taking a late night bath, and I figured it'd be the perfect time to pleasure myself. Normally I don't need to do this, since my husband and I used to have sex at least twice a week, but it had been a couple weeks so I turned off the lights, lit a candle, and got out my waterproof vibrator. I was really careful not to make a noise (I even had it on the lowest setting), but I guess my husband heard. He came into the bathroom, turned on the light and said, "Having fun in there?"

I screamed. I was mortified. I couldn't believe he walked in on me, and then to make matters worse, made a joke about it. I wouldn't even need to be using that device at all if he and I were having sex! Why didn't he just take the hint and join me instead of making that obnoxious comment?

I can't even think about having sex with him right now. I'm slightly embarrassed, but mostly just mad. Should I forgive him for this?

Source: Shutterstock

56 Comments

3 years

I'm sorry but this is in no way you're husbands fault. He was probably shocked so made a quick funny remark and nothing else and it should have been your job to invite him in. I can't believe you have made such a fuss over nothing. Forgive him straight away.

3 years

Here is the classic difference between men and women. Your husband most likely didn't expect to walk in on what he found. He probrably didnt know how to react, so he tried to make light of the situation. I am going to assume that he meant no disrespect to you. I walked in on my wife on ten years one day and caught her playing with herself in the shower. I was totally unprepared for it since in ten years I had never seen or even suspected of her doing such a thing. I can tell you that it has become one of my top fantasy items. I also now am constantly wanting to catch her in the act again. Masturbation is totally natural for both men and women. It is a release for people when the other partner is either unavailable or just too tired. You should not be ashamed of taking care of your own needs, nor should you hold him as unforgiven because he is physically too tired or too stressed to take care of you on your terms.

4 years

While I can see your point, I absolutely think you should forgive him. In my opinion (keep in mind that i did say "opinion") you are the one at fault. Instead of assuming he'd be okay with it, ASK HIM!!! Obviously he was home. If you want to be satisfied TELL HIM!! Would he say no? If he does say no, ask him if he'd mind if you took matters into your own hands. As a man, I would see this act as a sign that even though I am available, my wife would rather have a toy than me. Moreover, you tried to hide it from him. This, to me, would automatically solidify any doubt right then and there. I understand that my views aren't that of every guy's, but if this happened to me, I would be led to examine and critique recent, as well as future, sexual encounters with my wife. I would have that venomous doubt that I might be inadequate and so on. Again, let me reiterate the fact that this is my persona opinion and that it is quite possible your situation is different. -Cheers, Yeti

Blackwood 5 years

did he even know what she was doing?if the tub was full with water, then maybe he only saw the candles and thought it was odd and made a joke about it. And since he didn't mention any specific activity, maybe he just thought that his wife was just trying to relax with a hot tub and candle lights... I think if he knew what she was doing, then we would have probably got turned on and joined her, or just disappear and apologize for walking in.Just a thought.

Blackwood 5 years

did he even know what she was doing? if the tub was full with water, then maybe he only saw the candles and thought it was odd and made a joke about it. And since he didn't mention any specific activity, maybe he just thought that his wife was just trying to relax with a hot tub and candle lights... I think if he knew what she was doing, then we would have probably got turned on and joined her, or just disappear and apologize for walking in. Just a thought.

ninjastarlett 5 years

LOL it was so harmless! Don't even worry about it! He made a joke! Most guys get pretty turned on thinking about their girl masturbating. Relax. =)

onesong 6 years

omg, i would kill him. i don't blame you at ALL for being angry and you s hould tell him exactly what you told us. punch him in the eye! (not really, but ya know. sometimes it makes you feel better to think "PUNCH HIM IN THE EYE!")

godsgirl 6 years

just take it!

godsgirl 6 years

just take it!

coddswaddle 6 years

Sounds like he was just being playful, albeit in a juvenile way. No harm (except to your pride a bit) no foul. Forgive. Then try walking in on him.

bubbles540 6 years

so he caught you... you can't be mad at your husband forever. maybe you should talk to him about why you did it and tell him that you want more alone time with him.

elizabethsosewn 6 years

uh hello, Guys think that's hot. yeah it'd be embarrassing as all hell, but he's not being an ass. besides, all you have to ddo if you feel personally attacked is point out that he's the one who hasn't had sex with you in a while, and that if you're not getting the real thing, you can substitute.

LaLa0428 6 years

Forgive? Call me crazy, but why didn't you get him to join you.

Le Luxe 6 years

He is probably just jealous that you took matters in to your own hands! (no pun intended....lol).

barjar1122 6 years

I think you are the one with the issue. Why are you embarrassed or upset with him? Why would you even have the instruments if they werent for use? Being mad at him is ridiculous. Jump his bones and you do all the work. He may welcome it.

StefaPie 6 years

oh, get over it. men joke about masturbation constantly, it means nothing more than he had an opportunity for a masturbation joke.

merymery 6 years

I think he's probably embarrassed that he's not satisfying you the way he used to. Why don't you spice things up a bit - rent a hotel for a weekend, or pull him into bed the second he walks through the door?

ginghamgirl 6 years

dont make such a big deal about getting caught. sure, you are embarrassed, but really, theres no need to fret. he is a guy. seeing you pleasuring yourself probably even turned him on. ;)

RadNessa 6 years

Oh booo, he was must having fun! I'm sure he thought it was hot. Forgive him, that wasn't a bad situation. Go back into the tub, have him rub your back, and take your little vibrating friend along with you... make it a real fun time.

RadNessa 6 years

Emiily 6 years

wiciltd, damn girl! 4 times a day :) it's awesome that you guys have sex so much though, my boyfriend and i do too. it's really nice. so more power to you! i masturbate maybe once or twice every other week. i have sex 6 times a week though. 3 times a day, twice a week. so it's not an everyday thing. just an all nighter when we get together. if we were together every night it'd be seven days a week, yikes!

Emiily 6 years

Lily Inferno 6 years

If hes a husband and not just a bf why are you embarassed about sexing yourself up? If you cant be close enough to share things like that well then why be married? Communication is the key here. You want sex, let him know. And instead of taking the comment as a rude and obnoxious thing, you yourself should have passed it on in an obvious manner that you needed "help". Forgive even though there is nothing to forgive. It happens.

aistea311 6 years

you shouldnt feel embarrased at all for pleasuring yourself. It doesnt matter what your sex life is like if you know what gets you satifisfied so dont feel bad about it. yeah he said "having fun" but a lot of guys get turned on by their girls doing stuff so dont be mad at him for enjoying it.

blondewithbangs 6 years

I think its weird that he didnt jump right in or that YOU didnt say "yeah im having fun, but id have more fun if you were in here with me" or something like that. Something seems to be off in your communication.

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56 Comments