Wedding Stress

"My Wedding Is Making Me a Basket Case"

June 3, 2013

This question is from a Group Therapy post in our community. Add your advice in the comments!

I'm about two months out from my wedding. I'm crazy stressed because a number of things (my job, my car, etc.) have either fallen apart or gotten extremely busy recently, and there is always something I'm behind on for wedding planning.

I constantly feel like there are about five things going wrong. Every so often, when one more thing goes wrong, I just kind of lose it. Like today I tripped on a rock and completely ate it while running and cut myself all up and just lost it on the trail, sobbing for like 10 minutes. I'm also never, ever hungry, but I always wish I had a drink. I mean I'm not like drinking every day or something, but food never sounds good, only wine does. I just make myself eat something and not drink.

I feel like a total basket case. I'm trying to delegate to bridesmaids and family, but there are so many things that only I can do. Is this normal? I feel like it's extreme.

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8 Comments

GTCB 2 weeks

Meh - just drink more. That'll ease the pain.

steph1234 47 weeks

why does it have to be so stressful? Sounds to me like you are making it stressful. Cut out all the non-necessities and don't worry about what others think you should do or what society thinks you should do. Make this day about you and your groom. I regret being so stressed on my wedding day...wish i would've just relaxed and did exactly what I wanted. So take it from me....relax and have fun with it..don't regret your wedding day....Your car is gonna break down, things in your apartment will break..this is part of life...take it in stride....Do you really have to have a cake? Why not get someone to make plain and simple cupcakes? or make them yourself with your husband to be? have fun....don't spend so much money....think of only what you need....place to get married at....someone to marry you...music, your family....food...pictures...the end. All of the other stuff is just hype and a way for others to make money off of you! Once it's over you won't remember half of it and will probably think all the money you spent was a waste....RELAX...ease up....Keep it simple and have fun.

matoad 47 weeks

Cut the to-do list. In the end, the things you really need are : A venue, some kind of ceremony, food, and your favorite songs. Everything else is a bonus, and if people have to chose between, say, an imperfect color scheme with a relaxed bride or a perfect one with a crazy bride.... You know what everyone including you would chose!

Silje 47 weeks

Please let your friends and family help you. There are a lot of decisions only you can make, if you need them to, but does it really matter what pattern your napkins have or if you haven't made a thousand million favours for your guests all by yourself by hand? Also, for the wedding, enlist your husband-to-be! Send your mom for wine shopping, have your sister or maid of honor pick out the flowers for the dinner table. Get help, and get a few surprises for your wedding, and get relaxed so you don't have to be admitted to a mental institution for your honeymoon. Good luck, everything will be fine :)

BiWife 48 weeks

if the wedding stuff is too much, sometimes it's just better to pare things back. when I was planning my wedding, it all got so expensive so fast and completely overwhelmed me. I opted to have a super intimate ceremony that cost practically nothing and had very few "moving parts" (so to speak). i'm not saying you should necessarily go as simple as what I did, just re-evaluate what parts are the most important. Rank the different components and work on checking off the most important stuff first, so if anything has to get cut it's not one of the most important parts. Henna is spot on about delegating - if you're only "trying" to delegate, you're likely still holding onto most of the reins. There is a lot of societal pressure when it comes to weddings and it sadly steals a lot of the fun out of the time leading up to the wedding (and the big day itself). Keep a firm focus on making it a day that you will enjoy and find extra meaningful. If you're stressing too much about the flowers or the food or the guests, you won't be able to focus on you & your fiance.

henna red 48 weeks

You know, I just recently saw Bride wars, and the one comment that rang very true for me was Candice Bergen's character's....."how couples deal with the problem solving around the weddings is the first big test of how well they'll deal with other problems in their marriage..." a paraphrase, but I think the ideas is sound.

henna red 48 weeks

"trying to delegate". I've been taught that if you're trying, you're not doing. So my guess is that you're not actually delegating enough, and that you're trying to do too much. Remember, it's an important day, but it's only one day. And if you're so stressed out, then your answer may be to hire a professional to help you with the details....you may have everything planned, but trying to do your life and a huge event is taking it's toll....that's why professionals exist....to help relieve you of the stress and the extra work. Make yourself a list of things to be done, the deadline for that task to be done, and then assign a willing friend/family member to each task, and give them the details they need to accomplish that task, and then let go. You can't control everything, and that sounds like what you're trying to do, to me. Your wedding will be beautiful, and wonderful, and meaningful, and fun.....but it won't be "perfect".....because what is? So stop trying, and delegate, before you give yourself a panic attack. And yes, this kind of stress around arranging a big, important event when that's not something you do a regular basis or for a living, is normal. But there are answers for the issues, including turning to your fiance' for emotional, moral and physical support....it's his big day too. :) Ease down, ease back, ask for help, hire help, and trust the help, and include your fiance' in the process. Don't be a control freak. breeeeaaaathe. take good care

Aquadave 48 weeks

Totally normal for everything to go wrong when you mostly need it to go right. I was taught all that in Law School. I'm an expert in Murphy's Law

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