These things pop up in my mind as possibilities:

1. Work is not going well, maybe his job is on the line, and he is feeling pressured when you ask about it.
2. He is doing something unethical at work, and is behaving badly towards you so that you don't ask about it.
3. People treat him badly at work, so he comes home and "kicks the dog".
4. He is having an affair.
5. He suffers from depression.

No matter what the issue is, right now your relationship is not worth the powder to blow it up. I think you need couples therapy to work through his anger and communication issues. Right now, he doesn't give a rat's a$$ about your feelings...if he won't get professional help to face his issues, I would leave.

He definitely has some major issues. Having been married for seven years, I would like to think that you would know what these issues are. But I guess not.

Man up, ask him what the f*ck is wrong, tell him you miss the real him and make him cry until it all comes out in a big slobbery mess and then you can both start working on whatever the problem is.

If this does not work > therapy.

Sounds like he checked out of your marriage a loooong time ago. Tell him he can either start counseling with you, or he can leave.

I can believe that he loves you, but he has a very difficult time coping with stress and less than ideal situations. Perhaps he feels like all he wants to do with you is be himself and not have to put on a show or answer millions of questions. Sometimes I get upset when my BF asks and asks about my day when all I want to do is forget it and cuddle...especially if it was terrible. His behavior can be dealt with in a different way, but have you personally started attacking him? If you nag him about his day or what he did or what's going on, he may very well act defensively. Have you tried initiating sex and telling him what you like? If you have done all that is in your power to make yourself easier to listen to and he is still an *sshole, I would tell him straight up that the behavior needs to change or you are leaving. Suggest counseling if you feel like it would be beneficial. Some couples work miracles just by consciously focusing on being good to the other person and curbing offensive behavior. If your husband doesn't agree to work on his end of the issue (it takes two to tango) or he refuses counseling, I would seriously consider leaving before it gets any worse.

i agree with Luisa. the "bad sides" of him only come out when he's dealing with you but everyone else sees something different. what he is doing to you is being emotionally abusive and it definitely sounds like he can't stand the thought of being around you in any way. I tink its time to get out of this marriage cuz its seems like its completely unhealthy for the both of you to continue living this way.

I know a couple just like this. They've been married a long time too. I think it's his job which is the problem. The big problem. Although the sex part is not good here. That's not good. I could see myself getting into a huge battle here. A full out war. This is a marriage or not. He's got to be in it as a couple, as a team. You could threaten counseling. Take a vacation with him? Give him a rum and coke on some Mexican beach and say hey remember your wife, it's me? Tell me, just what the F___ck? I suspect this as a huge job stress issue. Money and stress form work.

Sounds like he's hiding something from you. I think it's time for you to stop avoiding the problem and tell him to either shape up or ship out.

boot him

I agree w/ luisa

You don't say how old he is, what kind of health he's in, etc. but assuming he's OK physically - he's having an affair.
There's no other explanation for his not telling you about his day, and for your sex lives to be no good at the same time.

This is a really bad situation. He sounds emotionally checked out of the marriage. You need to deal with this immediately, or you're very likely going to become a divorce statistic.

Why are you still with him? Does he offer ANY kind of support or affection beyond telling you he loves you? Cos srsly, he sounds like a total dick who has no interest in changing, especially not for your benefit. I'd ditch him in a heartbeat.

ITA with the ladies who say that he's checked out (emotionally) from your marriage. I don't know what caused it, but you need to ask yourself if it's a marriage worth keeping or are you happy now. If not, I'd probably suggest you go to counseling, both of you, hopefully will go and keep on going.

Gosh, you just described my situation with my wife and I...Of course she moved out several month's ago:However, for six years I had to cope with the exact problem. Whenever I'd ask my wife how was her day, she'd take offense and accuse me of not trusting her, it got worse last year. In short, she finally reveal she'd been having or was having an extramarital affair, which was no a no-brain-er - it was obvious. My sex drive remained strong, but, she seemed evasive,etc. I hope you can work it out and save your marriage, mine is gone. It's sad because I thought we were true soul mates. Take care and well wishes to you.

I agree with Jazzy on a lot of things here. He's got to be up to something, a bad event has happened at work, it could be depression, or he's just not that in to you as a wife anymore.

If you two have children then maybe that's why he's staying around you while disliking you. Maybe he wants to move on. You said.....

"He tells me he loves me, but what he says and how he is are two totally different deals."

Also, try a bit of counseling if you already have not. Maybe during one of the sessions he'll finally admit the truth.

I went through a similar situation a long time ago. My husband acted the same way and then I found out about the many affairs he was having. Besides being abused for years I was cheated on as well. I put my foot down, threw him out and moved on.

Im going to be honest i did the same thing to my husband exactly....I was having an affair. yes i told him i loved him and yes i do but seeing him when i was happy with someone else annoyed me, everything he asked me pissed me off I didnt wanna have sex with him anymore I was with someone else. And it all started because my marriage felt like a routine.

Have a nice, long, serious talk with him about what he's doing and how it makes you feel. If he continues to cut you off, threaten divorce and see how he reacts.

It could be a stress issue, or it could be that's he's checked out of the marriage, or both.

He is cheating on you. The same thing happen to me. Its easy to say leave him, but find proof of an affair and then leave his ass.

If he doesn't listen to you, write him a letter. It sounds odd, but i promess it's somthing usually, like an email, people read. You obviously cannot be happy in this situation. Explains things have to hcange or you'll quit =/ Maybe you can refresh a bit your life at least, live to move out.

That doesn't sound like the behavior of a husband...it sounds like the behavior of a bad boyfriend that should be shown the curb...

hey ANNONOMOUS

IM married at 21 and my god am i the exact same story as you i cry so hard im in so much pain hes made me hate not love and tonight was a big night for him and he told me i couldnt go before we were married i was always allowed to see celebs and whatever and go to the club to see him dj now im told to stay
im seriously pissed man . im hurt more than anything
wish it wasnt so hard to die

as the worst part is my fam like him i do love him im infactuated wit him but hes complete opposite doesnt like hugs doesnt like kisses to much nor hugs cooks doesnt let me then he tell me i cook nothing i cant cook

but tonight he hit a spark and now hes gonna see as change i swear ive had a f*cking nough

im no pussy and he isnt gonna make me into one hes making me hate more than love an i feel it getting sronger

It sounds like he has met someone at work and is cheating on you. He is WAY 2 secretive, angry, and defensive.
I suggest u get a tracking key for his vehicle.

This is hard. A person like that is going to be hard to get to open up. You'll either have to have a shouting match or ride it's course and maybe killing him with kindness may work.

My husband quit wearing his wedding band 3 months ago,I thought it was because he lost weight,but he told me he didn't want too anymore.. I was hurt badly, he told me that he doesn't want to be married anymore and that he wants to be free and live his single life. He doesn't stay home anymore, I don't know were he is staying or who hes with.. I've told him lets get a divorce, but he tells me that paper is nothing..But he truly loves me and it terrifies him not knowing I'm not in his life..Yes he criticises me too and constantly belittling me into the ground, He knows hes in the wrong, he told his family that. He wants me to be frozen for him,I told him that's not fair to me, but he told me that if I go see, talk , or go out with another man its over, but its been over for a while now, hes in denial with himself. I know, I'm truly hurt but I'm tired now, I'm getting to the point I don't care just leave me alone..