why does this always happen to me? always! Sep 7, 2012 7:15 PM So I wont make this very long. I just I'm trying to change my life not like I've been doing anything bad, I'm just trying to make new friends meet new people basically be more social. Well I dont know if I'm cursed but every time that I make plans they never go through two recent examples I can give: last Saturday me and a friend were going to go to a restaurant/bar and we had everything planned that morning what time was the pick up, where we were going, who was gonna drive ect. Two hours before we were supposed to go she texts me and tells me that she cant go. Today, my school is going to have like a type of fair, again I had everything planned with a DIFFERENT friend that goes to the school. What time we were going blah blah all the details. When I text her to tell her that I had the paper we needed to get in, she tells me that she cant go anymore. Ahhhh. So now I'm sitting here writing on my computer. I mean I was super excited to go! meet new people make potential friends. I thought about going by myself, but I know how I get when I go out by myself, when everybody is with someone. Miserable! I just wouldnt be able to be by myself in a crowded crowd. I mean I'm tired of this. These are only two examples I'm giving but no exaggeration every single time I have something planned with someone, somehow it never gets accomplished and never by me but always by the other person. To top it all of when I tell them that I cant hours if not days before, they say that Im boring and never want to do anything. What's going on? 2nd chances? Sep 7, 2012 5:30 PM help! this is a first for me, me and my fella of a year, 39 and 33, split up a few weeks ago after he moved out,( his decision). We were apart for 2 weeks, and he constantly kept in touch by texting blaming my lack of trust, etc..then out of the blue asked me to get back together, i accept ive trust issues, ive had mad moments of checking his phone and emails but never found anything and know in my gut hes not the type.. however his lack of communication generally fuels my suspicious nature and find myself questioning everything, we are now 3 weeks in of 'seeing each other' and he has said we should have at least 6 months of this.. he has been open and so have i and agree its best NOT to live together for a while.. so far so good? just had a cosy few sleepovers at mine then he drops that he doesnt want to see me this weekend! my thoughts were that was THE right time to spend together, im confused because he says he loves me and can see a future together, i tried to bargain with him in my panic so id see him for a couple of hours at least and he got mad and had a rant about his space and how its not going to work etc...am i being too clingy or am i getting messed about? can it go from living together to seeing each other and actually work? its horrible feeling rejected!! Newly engaged, but no sex... continued Sep 7, 2012 4:31 AM Sorry, just wanted to say I know he's definitely not cheating on me so that's why he's not into sex. Because he has never given me reason to doubt him and I know the man I agreed to marry and that he respects me and the commitment we made to each other but he also doesn't have any time to cheat. Seriously, he's way too busy. Basically he's not cheating. Newly engaged, but no sex Sep 7, 2012 4:24 AM My fiance and I have not really been having a lot of sex recently. Since we got engaged in the first week of June this year we've slept together just 3 times. That's just once a month! It was kinda slowing down a little in the months leading up to our engagement as well. We've been together for 3 years and lived together for 2 years. We have an awesome, comfortable relationship. Maybe too comfy??! There are major factors such as my fiance being really stressed with a huge promotion and relocation of his work and having to travel a minimum of 2hrs a day to get to get to said work since February, both of us being sick with terrible colds (including swine flu) intermittently and my mother coming to stay for 2 months (she's always around and really conservative and isn't really happy that we're living together before marriage so we feel really scared to even hold hands around her) but I feel like we're both just making excuses cos something will always come up - we have to make the time. My job is also slowly killing me too but we are both doing so well and now is the time for effort to build a great secure future for us and the family we want to have (but considering no sex, it would have to be an immaculate conception ;-) Things have been slowing down bit by bit over the past year. This isn't my first long term relationship so I know it slows down a bit but my libido has literally vanished. Honestly, it's like I can't help it. I'm just not in the mood and I know he isn't either. Sometimes I'll make an effort and just get tired after work. Thing is when we have sex, we'll do an all night hour marathon have sex maybe 6 or 8 times and it's phenomenal and definitely the best sex I've ever had! Was a little bit of a ho' in my 20s as was he - so I would say it's good ;-) Weird thing is I've never felt closer to him. We spend a lot of time making out and cuddling - every evening for at least 3 hours and for the majority of every weekend. He is my best friend and I feel more respectful towards him and more in love with him then ever. Getting engaged really took our relationship to the next level, keep crying like a silly girl at the lamest pop songs because I feel so happy right now to be engaged to the man of my dreams. I am still attracted to him and he is always telling me how attractive I am and we're always groping each other and touching sexually almost every hour we're together it just usually doesn't lead to actual sex. I'm worried that we're only just engaged and this is how it is. I am really happy but aren't we supposed to be doing it once a week minimum? Thing that scared me into seeking advice was I just got my period and even though we use protection and I'm on birth control, I usually get that worried feeling just before my period just in case. But I realized we hadn't had sex once in my last cycle, not oncce! I've spoken to him about it and he's also brought it up once and he agrees it's weird and something needs to be done about it but at the end he also asked if I honestly feel strange about it and I said I honestly don't really feel like we aren't connected and I do want to make love to him and I love him, but I just felt like we ought to feel weird as opposed to feeling weird. But we still decided to schedule sex over a weekend when we weren't stressed - then I got sick with sinusitis and he cuddled me and hired all my favourite movies and made me soup which was really nice too. I love him and I want him, but I don't know. It's weird. Is it hormonal? Has anyone else experienced this? Will the mojo come back? Should I just acost him sexully instead of cuddling him - i don't think he'd turn me down. Think it's just mutual inertia. Or is it a really bad sign? Personality disorders and mood disorders. Sep 6, 2012 8:48 AM I've heard that you are attractive or attracted to people you are most like. I seem to be attracted to people with personality disorders and mood disorders. So does that mean that I, too, have a disorder? Is he really giving up on us? How can I make him stay? Sep 4, 2012 11:23 PM I've been dating the man that I truly love for a little bit over 2 years, and we still KIND OF are together. He's in the navy; he's gone a few times each year for like 3 months each cruise. Anyway, about a couple of weeks after he left for his recent cruise, I didn't hear from him for a few days, and I thought it was just the ship's e-mail not working again; then he finally sent an e-mail telling me that he's been thinking about us and work. After a few questions etc. I got these answers: not to sound cold or rude but I don't think I love you as much as I thought I did, I DON'T KNOW how I feel, I'm trying really hard to figure things out, I guess I'm slipping away slowly, I don't think I can keep a relationship while in the navy, it's a "not you, it's me" reason; he also said he kind of thought about this as well while on his last cruise but ignored it, which I understand because I had these feelings before because of the situation, like how he's always gone, we live 3 hours away from each other, he's 23y/o and I'm 25y/o, I got my priorities in life straight, and he's not quite there yet, but I thought that was ok because the only thing I really want is his love; he's the nicest man I've ever met with the biggest heart, and I didn't want a little fear here and there ruin my chance to be with the man who makes me the happiest woman on earth. Well when he got back from his last cruise, I didn't get any hint about him feeling that way for a little bit while he was on cruise, he seem to be back to normal and we were happy like usual, and I can see it in his eyes every time he tells me he loves me; although I remember him talking to me about work, how horrible and crazy things has been lately; on his last day with me, he also told me that I'm the one. Well like I've mentioned earlier, he just suddenly told me all these horrible things, and I was so shocked. We've been the happiest couple on earth, people I know were surprised, and I still couldn't believe that this is happening. Well I told him I'd give him time and space to think about this while he's on cruise (2 more months) and that I'll talk to him sometime, and he agreed, then I sent another e-mail saying "unless you want to end it now, I'm just waiting for you to tell me what you want"; he didn't reply. P.S. Before he left, I told him how I was ready to settle down, and when I asked if it bothered him, he said no, and that he's glad I know what I want, and that I'm THE ONE. On his last e-mails, he said he was thinking about this too and that he probably just got caught up in the moment that's why he said I'm the one. I'm so shocked and confuse and sad.... I didn't see this coming at all; I keep on thinking really hard. Did I scare him when I told him I'm ready to settle down soon (because I know that he's the one)?, is it because of work and that he's always stuck on a ship that's a total opposite of a cruise ship and is messing with his mind?, or he just doesn't love me anymore (the reason I don't want to hear)? I love this man with all my heart; I've never been so calm, nice and patient while in this situation, and I do it for him, it's also the most difficult thing I've ever done in a relationship. It's not the usual nagging, fighting, cursing when things get tough. Does anyone ever had something like this happened in their life? Every time I look online, it's because they had a little problem here and there that's why their relationship needed a break. With my situation, I couldn't find any reason at all! Maybe his work? Or maybe he's just losing his love for me?, but when we're together, everything is great! I'm afraid that I'm going to lose him :( and I just hope I can do something, but afraid that if I say something, it'll just push him further away from me. I'm also afraid of waiting 2 more months and hear the words "I don't want to be with you anymore" or something like that. I'm still in doubt that he truly feel this way, but then I could be wrong. Help? Stay or Go? Sep 4, 2012 6:02 PM I will try and make this short and to the point. I married my high school boyfriend almost 6 years ago, after we found out I was pregnant. We have 3 wonderful kids, but my relationship with my husband has been a roller coaster of a ride. My husband has jump from job to job in the past 6 years. Unable to keep a job more then a year. Whenever he stopped working, I would find work till he had a new job. He has not had a job for almost a year. We have been to the brim of a break up so many time, that it seems like clock work. Every time I think this is it, am leaving, he ends up getting a job or whatever. This time it has almost been a year since he lost his job, he is now in a trade school to become a class A driver. I feel bad bc we have been thru this before, him finding a new dream and me trying to be 100% supportive. Then back to square one a year later. At this time, we are living in his parents guest house, they have always been there to help us out. At times it feels like I'm playing house. About 2 years ago, things got really bad in our relationship. That same year I cheated on my husband with an ex boyfriend. It was only a one time thing, but it was the worse thing I could have ever do, I regret it everyday since. This past year has been rock bottom in our marriage, to the point to it has turn from verbal to psychical abuse. My husband found out about my secret about 7 month ago. I had to leave my job, bc he would call my work and start to yell at me about it. He said, he forgives me, but I not sure he does. Whenever we have a disagreement, he throws it at me. I know it takes years for couples to work that out. I just not sure he will ever forgive me. He thinks our relationship was great, even thou everyone else saw the emotional break down I've been going thou this past 5 years. My friends say I should leave, but our folks, say we just have to get thru this bump and everything will be ok. Its been 6 years will it ever change? All I want is my kids to be happy. My boyfriend is depressing literally Sep 4, 2012 10:16 AM "my boyfriend is depressing" I will make this as short as possible and hopefully to the point. I met this wonderful man 2 months ago. he is a desert storm/shield vet. come to find out that he has PTSD, and othre issues, which isnt a problem. I love him and he loves me but because of his situation, he lives at a vet's home, he is constantly depressed and its bringing me down. i have my own stressors and now i have his on top of everything. he says i'm his whole world, he has no one else, he wouldnt know what to do without me. he calls me once an hour and texts me. I recently found out he has ED and Low testostrone which equals NO sex drive and a shot libidio. i really care for him and love him but this relationship is very toxic for me. I have so many stressors in my life and this is not helping my health. i try my level best to keep him upbeat but then I get depressed with trying. I give him words of encouragement, etc. In the beginning it wasn't bad but now its more like a chore and i really do not want to talk to him. He has been through a lot of stuff in the last 10 years between divorces, the service, getting sick. I feel so bad for him but I am running myself down, trying to keep him up. what do i do? do i leave him, do i stay, i'm just so confused. I do not want to hurt him. if i leave he may do something drastic. I need positive stuff in my life and this relationship is not helping. Because he is on disability he cannot work, and cannot get out of the home that he lives in. I cannot help because Im unemployed and cant get a job. I think that about covers it, please help i'm so desperate. Did it - sent my coming out letter to my parents Sep 3, 2012 3:44 PM So I've been prepping to do this for several weeks now - refining and rewriting my letter over and over til it's exactly what I want to say and how I want to say it. I just clicked the send button and now it's in God's hands, awaiting their response... Have my support structure in place, just hope I am as ready as I think I am. What The Heck Is Going On? Sep 3, 2012 10:38 AM I met this guy, we will call him J, at work in February. I thought he good looking from the moment I met him- he has the dark hair and light eye combo that makes me weak at the knees. We didn't start talking seriously until May when he took my number so that we could meet up at the gym sometime (he and I both do crossfit). From the moment we started texting it was really non stop from 7am-2am we would talk. A week or so went by and he asked me out. Our conversation in person was just as good. We went on three dates until he actually kissed me and he wouldn't sleep with me until we had been on six dates. Sex was amazing. He is incredibly smart, well read and funny. He was sweet and kind-even helping old ladies with groceries. Then mid-July everything changed. It was a complete 180. He became distant and bailed on dates. During this time his "good friend" moved to the city. She also worked with us. I was upfront with him and asked him if there had ever been anything there. He got pretty angry and told me that there never had been and never would be. They were incredibly flirtacious; kissing each other on the cheek, arms wrapped around eachother, holding hands. All things that he would not do with me in the workplace (he didn't want people to know that we were dating as it was his "personal" business) yet he would do them front of me and our co-workers. He always asked me to be upfront with him regarding concerns that I had and so I was with the three major issues that I had. One being the closeness of his friend, two my worry that it would just become about sex with he and I, and the third (after we had not seen each other in three weeks or had the "exlusive" conversation) was whether or not he had had sex with anyone else. On each occassion he got upset and bailed on the next date we had planned. I know that he has had some traumatic experiences in relationships in the past that have left him jaded, but it is also no excuse to to treat anyone that way. He just left to go away for a month long vacation. The week before he left we decided to go on two dates just to see where we stood. He asked me to tell him the nights that I was available. I told him the two that I was available. Instead of seeing me the first night he hungout with his "good friend". I was really hurt. I finally had enough and decided to tell him that I was done. I told him to have a good vacation and that hopefully he got some clarity when he was away and that if he wanted to see me when he got back he had my number but I was not going to wait around. He did not respond to what I said. He left for his trip last Monday and on Friday morning I woke up to a text from him. It had been two weeks since I last heard from him. He told me he had been to a museum that made him think of me and he was wondering how I was doing and what I was up to. I am left completely confused. Is he actually thinking about me? Or is it only because I am no longer paying attention to him that he feels the need to contact me? Is he even worth it? Confused about his manners Sep 2, 2012 2:55 PM I have a nice boyfriend, who makes me laugh, who is serious when he needs to be, a family oriented fellow, very educated and goal oriented. However, I am so so confused by his lack of manners - especially since he has all od of the above qualities. When he comes over, he always leaves a mess in the bathroom- pee on the toilet plus some on the floor! How is this possible? He is 38, and he has enough education and family values to know better. This has happened several times already and last night, I brought it to his attention. He was shocked when I mentioned it and then reacted by : 'Wow, you really are honest'...I don't know what he expected...to be quiet about it???I don't think so. I speak my mind and if I don't like something, I will say it, and I expect the same from others...he after joked about it, saying something like: "Now I am scared to go to your bathroom, are you going to be ckecking after me?" And I replied, half jokingly:"Well, I might have to.." Then he said, laughing: "Are your going to supervise me then", and I replied: " Well, considering your age, I just might have to, lol"...we laughed it off, but I definitely wasn't joking, and I think he knows it... I'm just not used to being with someone who doesn't have good manners-my ex boyfriend might have been a jerk in many ways, but boy was he clean and neat always!! I'd like to get to know this new guy better, and I think if we are going to make it in the long run, we have to be honest with each other. Like i said, he has qualities that I highly value, such as honesty and character, but 10 years ago, the lack of good manners would have been a deal breaker for me. Now, being older (I am 38 as well), I feel that there are bigger issues that are deal breakers-such as lying for example. However, if this problem continues, it would meam a lack of respect, since he knows it bothers me. Are there other women out there who feel the same? What are deal breakers for you?? How do you deal with such issues, and do you believe in 'honesty is the best policy" with guys?? whats happening Sep 1, 2012 6:24 PM My boyfriend of 15yrs has completly stopped having sex with me. and said its not happening. but he stays on the sex websites he works out of town for a whole month he always has had a erection problem. I tried to get him to lets watch sex on tv or get videos to help it out. this situation gets deeper