Don't freak out.

This is all just plans and talks, I understand it's sweet and adorable to be talking about engagement or marriage within 6 months (the honeymoon phase ) but how about wait until you guys reach 2010 or 2011, then you can take a look again if you guys are compatible or not or whatever for you to consider getting engaged, living together, etc. People do change their minds quite a bit after the honeymoon phase unless the relationship is a really good one. And by then next year or so, by your action and subtle encouragement (via words or etc) he should be able to see that you do want those things (engagement, etc) to happen.

Good luck.

*Unconditional love is a beautiful thing, just be sure to give it AFTER your conditions have been met.*

I think it seems really early to talk about marriage. It seems strange that neither of you can be honest with the other about it. Speaking "jokingly" and hinting shouldn't be considered actual planning. I think that if you can't be honest with yourself about what you want, you'll never get it. I think you're going to end up hurt in the end if you treat this joking as actual planning and bend your life to fit into this theoretical engagement planning. That's just what I think.

You're dreaming. It's only been a few months and the relationship still feels perfect. Stop talking about engagement and focus on building your relationship now. By the one-year mark you'll know if he's the guy for you.

I was engaged to my husband after nine months of dating. We both knew that we had found "The One." Only you two can decide when you are ready. Good luck!

If you can only joke about it and not talk about it maturely, then this relationship is not going to make it. Plus, him constantly talking about the best year to get married and then changing the dates all the time just sucks all the joy out of it.

I think for now, it's a little too early to talk so seriously about marriage. Depending on who you are, what you are or are not ready for, you might not be ready to talk marriage until a few years down the road. Everything feels perfect for now, and it seems like couples talk marriage this early in the game to solidify the fact that they feel serious about one another. This is how I ended up engaged at 20, when in reality I knew that waiting until we were older and we were financially ready in order to take such a huge step. Now, we've been together 2+ years, we have put the marriage talk on hold, though we know we will marry. It's something you figure out when you get to know each other a bit better. If you can deal with a person leaving dishes on the floor, or the fact that one hogs the bathroom, or steal the covers -- down to spending money and hobbies...if you can take a person for who they are, faults and all, then I would say marriage is suitable to talk about.

But you need to take things one step at a time. You have to go in the order you want to go in. But talking about marriage before you truly know someone's ins and outs is a mistake. Had I married my BF when I was 20, it would not have been a mistake. But I am glad that we are in no hurry, and glad that I learned even more about him.

I say don't rush it. If you are happy, be happy. Don't do something just because you love someone, make it the right choice.

...and, if you're not married in two years, it doesn't mean you aren't loved. Perhaps it means you are smart

I am also hoping people see that joking is often a way to talk about something you may be embarrassed by or feel it's too soon to say. That is not dooming. I think this guy is testing the waters -- it's been 6 months!

My BF was VERY open about wanting to get married. We still talk about being together forever and our life together. When it comes to kids, I feel it's odd to talk about "our" kids when we're both on the fence -- so we joke about it a lot, since the notion of children is purely hypothetical. Wow, we might not make it!

You've been together only 6 months, are only "teasing and joking" about engagement, and now are trying to make a concrete plan around it?

Man, you are so not ready to be engaged, much less married. You are clearly overanalyzing the "joking" and trying to work your life around it. You sound a bit obsessive, and you two are in danger of messing up your relationship if you don't let the topic go.

Agree with Luisa and Sabrinaland...give it time, see how you feel about him after the stars have fallen out of your eyes, and unless you can handle it without obsessing, put engagement talk on hold.

I know my bf "teases" in that he says "How would you feel if_____" and then whatever he wants to discuss. So I guess more hypothetical? Anyway, we both love each other very much and I guess you should just keep following your life where it leads you. Be happy together and trust that when the time is right you will both know!

I am the original poster. My guy and I are both of the mindset that you date someone to not only get to know others but the end result is looking for that life partner. We tackle some of the "big" questions early in a relationship to discuss any "deal breakers". We are both of the same faith, same politics, same family style upbringing in our life views (kids, jobs, schooling, money(conservative/thrifty), VERY tidy etc).

Anyway, when I say we "tease" one another I mean we casually bring up a subject in a relaxed manner and discuss things in a hypothetical manner. We both know that our relationship is somethign special and we treat each other and our feelings with kindness and deep respect.

So when things like marriage and engagement and future living arrangements come up they are a serious move in life but can be discussed in a relaxed manner as well. He will say something like "What if I were to get you a ring in May/June, would you be sweating?" Or "would your parents say "dump this crazy guy" if I were to propose soon?" Anyway we are both very happy with where things are going and thanks for all of your thoughts! Love all of you!

So much for romance and surprises. After the ring you shop for together, what china pattern would you register for? And if you had children by the time he hits thirty, then you would also have to be in a house by the time he's 29. So you would have to start looking for a house when he's 28, and saving for your house starting now. Also at 24 now, you should be engaged and move in right away so that the grad school graduation in three years hits and then you have that year of Catholic counseling to be married, which then makes you 28. After he hits 30 then the second child is a boy. Give me a break. Your accounting for a future with a boyfriend you like for six months. Right now you're not much beyond teasing and joking about a ring. If you love the guy which you fail to mention then go get a ring then. Plan out your lives. Try not to bore him to death.

Also, dikke kus, no, I didnt mention I loved him, because I supposed any idiot would know that obviously we were in love or we wouldnt be thinking along these lines. He makes me soo unbelievably happy and treats me better than any man I have ever known. He is sweet and respectful and goes out of his way to show he loves me and I do the same. And yes, we do make plans, that is what people with SENSE do. We will have a roof over our heads and be able to support our kids/selves w/o depending on relatives to do so. We have fun together and love to do spontaneous picnics or just take a walk together at night. Whatever we do we are happy because we are together. You can do what you like but dont try to knock people down who save and plan for the future.

Ah... I see... well, kiddo... good luck with this. I think you have a lot to learn about men. If you're too embarrassed to talk about something seriously, it's probably because it is too soon. I know exactly the teasing and joking we are talking about here... it's cute and fun until you get burned by expectation. I had an immature boyfriend once who joked and teased about stuff like that. With things that were important to him, he was all business. If I wanted something he didn't necessarily want, he'd "keep me on the line" by joking around, hemming and hawing and never committing to anything. It's called 'avoidance', also known as CYA, so that they can call "backsies" if they change their minds later on down the road. ("I never actually said I was going to do it, I just said IF I were going to do it... there's a difference!") Real grown ups ask real questions, like, 'Will you marry me?' and 'What do you want to do for Thanksgiving this year?'. Nobody seriously plans for the future in the theoretical. Plus... why are you asking for advice if you honestly believe your situation is so secure?

We have plans for the holidays (T-giving-New years) w/ both of our fams including going out of state to visit his parents. The advice I was asking for was simply that I know I had burst his bubble a bit when I said this coming spring was too soon for a proposal when looking back on it I am wondering should I have just said "we'll see where we are then" or "I know that right now I love you and that (an engagment) is the direction I see us moving in". But thanks for all of your advice, I feel like your input was helpful and full of useful insight. I know you are all trying to help and it is coming from a good place in your hearts but I feel like I have this settled now. All the best!

I think it is ok as a young woman to wonder about things like this. You are off to a great start hopefully trying to put a career together. It's no wonder you have thoughts of wanting to be married and having kids. I think you should do what is best for you and if you feel that ultimatly being married to this man is the right thing then your next step is to seriously having a talk with him about it. Obviously you guys love eachother and you should feel comfortable talking to him about this particular subject. Good Luck

Sorry, no offense intended. It just sounds odd to me. Isn't the guy supposed to buy the ring beforehand and isn't he supposed to ask?
Isn't the lady then supposed to give an answer, yes or no? Now your dictating the day he asks you? Just sounds weird to me that's all, plus the teasing sounds a little immature. Hope all goes well.

You're still in the Honeymoon phase of your relationship, which can last the first year... any time before that and it's a bit too soon to be planning too much for the future. Wait until you're together at least a year or two before seriously considering engagement/marriage. Everyone I know who got married young got divorced quickly, and seeing as you're both Catholic, I'm guessing that divorce really doesn't sound like a plausible option. You may find some quirks of his (or some of yours) that destroy the relationship, so watch out.

As for living together before marriage... I don't see what's so "wrong" with it. My boyfriend and I intend to get an apartment together next summer (we've been dating over a year and a half now), but if we get married ever, it won't be for several years. I think it's a good way to find out the quirks of someone you want to be with without having a really "in stone" commitment to the other person. Granted, I see marriage as a bundle of legal rights that make care giving and sharing everything easier from a legal standpoint rather than a "journey into the next life phase!" or whatever.

I just wanted to get your guys opinion on this. I have posted an article on the topic of engagement rings recently, specifically, whether a girl should pick out her own engagement ring. So far the conversation has been dominated by guys. I am curious to know what you guys think. Thanks.

http://bit.ly/PvtiO

I just got married after six months and we have been married now for seven and were already having major problems if you love eachother that much you can wait trust me its sooooooooooo worth the wait if its meant to be hes not going anywhere