Reasons He Didn't Text You Back

The rules of dating and texting are still in progress, but one thing we know for sure: sudden, prolonged texting silence from your latest obsession is excruciating. We've all been there when a flirty text goes unanswered for an agonizing 30 minutes, but even worse is the digital slow fade, when someone we've been dating for weeks gradually (or not so gradually) stops replying to our texts.

But listen up, non-texter-backers: we don't need you! Rather than staring at our phones and wondering, "Is this thing on?" — or, God forbid, sending an embarrassing video that becomes an Internet meme — we will step away, take a deep breath, and invent a fictional explanation for why you haven't texted us back. Here are 12 lies we tell ourselves when you don't text us back:

• You must be dead.
• You're just really busy.
• You're driving a car and you can't stop.
• You have a secret family.
• You have a drug problem and are on a three-day bender.
• Um . . . iOS7?
• Lost phone.
• Stolen phone.
• Toilet phone.
• Family emergency.
• You're overseas.
• You are taking a very long nap.