How to Tell Him You're a Virgin

"How Do I Tell Him I Am a Virgin?"

June 19, 2012

This question is from a Group Therapy post in our TrèsSugar Community. Add your advice in the comments!

I am a late bloomer. After a few bad experiences in high school I lost all interest in boys along with any sense of self esteem and was relatively content being single. Recently I have got back into the dating game and have been giving the guys I meet a chance rather than dismissing them immediately like I used to.

About a week ago I met a guy who made me laugh a great deal and I felt quite comfortable around him. It is clear that neither of us want anything serious other than someone to have fun with both sexually and emotionally as we got along very well. I really want to go meet up with him again and am keen for a casual fling. My major worry is how do I explain I am a virgin to him? I also don't want to put any pressure on him or anything and because I like him as a person I don't want it to make things awkward, in turn I don't want him to wonder what's wrong with me and why I am still a virgin. He is 22 and I am 19 so he is a lot more experienced than I am but judging from our conversation, even though he knows I am 19 he seems to think I am "cool and confident" and just as experienced as he is.

I feel I should stress I am a virgin by circumstance not due to any religious or personal beliefs. Until I met this guy I just genuinely didn't care for any of the guys I had met so I know I am ready, it's just a matter of dealing with the fact that for a lot of girls my age they lost their virginity a while a go.

Thanks in advance for your help!

Have a dilemma of your own? Post it anonymously to Group Therapy for advice, and check out what else is happening in the TrèsSugar Community.

Source: Thinkstock

8 Comments

crevs 1 year

It's not that big of a deal. I lost mine, when I was 19, he was 23. I hadn't even been kissed at that point. I was a little nervous to tell him, I wasn't sure what his reaction would be, but he ended up finding it cute. We weren't that serious in the beginning and he just made sure that I was comfortable with everything that we did and we just let things take their path. There was no stressing, if you're a quick learner and do everything with that cool & confident attitude they won't know the difference. Let go and have fun

GTCB 1 year

Just let him know you've never done it before. It's not really a big deal. The bigger deal is the pressure you put on yourself (for whatever reason) about it. What's there to feel bad about? Why are you choosing to feel bad? Go have some fun and all this will be a distant, distant memory.

testadura67 1 year

Are you planning to lose it to him? Or do you not want to have sex with him because you're a virgin and are waiting for something serious? I guess I'm trying to understand why it matters. If you intend to have sex with him but only want a casual fling, it doesn't sound like losing your virginity is the right of passage for you that it is for some people. In which case, it only sounds like you want to tell him you're a virgin in case you're not good in bed. If you don't intend to have sex with him, what does it matter if you're a virgin or not? Do you want to use it as a reason not to have sex with him? That you're waiting for something more serious? If you don't want to have sex with him, then that's all the reason you need, you don't need to use virginity as an excuse. If all you want is a fling, sharing that kind of intimate information is going to create a bond between you that's stronger than a fling. If that's not what you want, don't tell him. Your body, your business. I guess decide what you want, and why sharing this information with him is in any way relevant to it. Go from there.

henna red 1 year

If this site had a "like" button, I'd hit bi's like. 19 only seems to be late, because there are so many youngsters having sex prematurely, before they're physically or emotionaly mature enough to handle the emotions or other consequences of sex. 19 is a completely appropriate age, if you feel ready. And I completely agree with Bi that if you aren't ready to talk about being a virgin with this fellow, then you're not ready to go to bed with him. It's a new thing, talking about sex, right? It can nerve wracking, and it can also be a lot of fun......a part of foreplay.....something that helps break the ice, and gives you each an idea of where the other is at the start of your fling. I would suggest early in the kissing, and before cloathes come off and definately before condoms come on. :) good luck, have fun, be safe

BiWife 1 year

19 isn't a late bloomer, for one thing. And being a virgin is something that definitely should be approached before the clothes come off. If you're comfortable getting naked with this guy, you should be comfortable with talking about getting naked. If you can't talk about sex, you aren't ready for sex. Bring it up along with other sexual matters, like when was he last tested and do either of you have latex or other allergies that would necessitate some prior planning, etc.

plmnko 1 year

I agree,if your virginity isn't a big deal to you then just bring it up. You could tell him you hope he'll teach you some tricks and give you experience. I think most guys are excited to be the first guy to sleep with a girl. It makes them feel better and there's less pressure. You wont be comparing him to past lovers,and he'll feel like a stud teaching all he knows. Are you sure you're over your self esteem issues though? Jumping into bed can be pretty damaging to someone already suffering from self esteem issues and create even more issues. Good luck

luckyduckyy 1 year

I agree with the above poster. Mention it, but be sure not to make a big deal out of it. Many guys tend to stay away from virgins because they think they tend to be clingy, since they're giving up something important to them. Perhaps he is of the type that thinks that way. So just don't burden him by making a huge deal out of your virginity, UNLESS it actually is a big deal to you. If all you want is a no-strings-attached, casual relationship with this guy- nothing serious now or ever- then go ahead with this plan.

lucyxxx 1 year

Definitely let him know ASAP, and if you don't want to intimidate him about it, I'd would just say it casually, as if it wasn't a big deal to you. I don't think it is a big deal, being 19 and a virgin, so I see no reason why he'd feel any pressure really; he might even think it's cool. Good luck :)

Link Love

8 Comments