Should Love Take Work?

Labor of Love: Should a Relationship Take Work?

September 2, 2013

The end of a relationship's honeymoon period typically comes with a realization that your partner can in fact do some wrong. It may start to bother you that he's not as social as you'd like, tunes out when you're venting about friends, or has irresponsible spending habits. And as time goes on, and you start to take each other for granted, it might take more effort to make time for date nights, sex, or other romantic moments.

For some, these bumps along the way are signs that something's soured, but others accept them as relationship realities that couples need to work out with counseling, occasional drawn-out arguments, or old-fashioned compromise. This Labor Day, I'm curious: do you think love should take work, or should we strive for seamless partnerships?

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30 Comments

Nancy Einhart 8 weeks

Looks like we all agree: "takes work" does not equal "feels like work."

inlove23 3 years

*love isn't!

inlove23 3 years

*love isn't!

inlove23 3 years

Totally agree that love takes some work but if it's meant to be it won't feel like work. I tried explaining to my sixteen year old sister that love is always full of rainbows and flowers but she didn't get it. I've been dating my boyfriend for 2 years and I felt that our relationship needed the most work when my birth control made my sex drive plummet. But, in the end everything worked out and it's smooth sailing. I think there is a fine line, you can't be perfect yet you can't be fighting 24/7.

thisbulimicwar 3 years

i think all relationships take some work but if its really meant to b it should b easy for the most part. it should go with the flow and b smooth and when u come across those bumps in the road u work for it but it shouldnt b a battle, u shouldnt b stressed from it. my bf and i have been together for 6 years, 4 of them was long distance we worked on making sure we called eachother almost everyday and stayed in eachothers lives but it never felt like work bc we wanted it.

Frenched 3 years

I think overall EVERYTHING in life takes work. Even friendships take work so it's pretty natural to realize that love takes work, too. Like a few ladies have pointed out, it shouldn't really be a struggle but, it does require some effort.

hypnoticmix 3 years

IMO real love can be seemingly effortless and hard work it just depends on the individuals involved. However if working on communication, compromise, trust, financial and family issues is a (chore) which leaves you unfulfilled and not a stepping stone which leaves you feeling accomplished as a couple than yeah you're probably barking up the wrong tree.

3 years

I said a little. Why? Bc you have to *WANT* to work at it. There's a difference btw having to do something bc you have to. I would think that if you love someone you would want to. And a relationship most def can't not be one sided. 'Course at the end of the day, if both parties are happy (and healthy), that's what matters.

genesisrocks 3 years

A little bit. You're not guaranteed a fairy tale but at the same time, if you find that you're always the one who's always working and always trying maybe it's not meant to be.

postmodernsleaze 3 years

I think relationships do take work, but when it starts to turn into nothing <i>but</i> work, it might be time to move on. It shouldn't be expected to always feel miserable and too hard to do. I don't believe that the work should outweigh the happiness.

postmodernsleaze 3 years

I think relationships do take work, but when it starts to turn into nothing but work, it might be time to move on. It shouldn't be expected to always feel miserable and too hard to do. I don't believe that the work should outweigh the happiness.

danakscully64 3 years

Agree, well said SKG.

danakscully64 3 years

Agree, well said SKG.

redchick152 3 years

spacekatgirl said it best, i think.

stephley 3 years

I wouldn’t stay in any relationship that felt like ‘work’ or a ‘job’. Yes, getting along with other people and not simply insisting that everything is your way or nothing does take effort. Occasionally, you’ll find unexpected areas of strong disagreement that might require that you grit your teeth and compromise - but that’s life, with or without a ‘soulmate’. The overall relationship between you and a loved one should be natural and comforting – if you’re constantly shifting trying to get comfortable, there’s likely a serious problem. If gardening is your passion, you do a heck of a lot of hard work to cultivate and nurture your crops. But to you, it’s gardening: not a job, not work. A storm or a pest can come through and tear things up, but if you love your garden, you clean it up and still call it gardening – still not your job, not work. And even if you're exhausted, you look at what you've made and feel good about it. It’s when your perspective starts to shift, and doing what you loved feels like work and not something that nurtures you that you have a problem.

spanishgirl69 3 years

Relationships are like a job.. if you love each other it shouldnt be that hard to make decisions, but you HAVE to work for it, thats what ive learned love is not a fairy tale and things dont fit perfectly, sometimes u have to compromise. Unless you want to be by yourself any real relationship is going to take a lot of work, because of you are trying to make a life with another individual who doesnt like the same things or have the same life goals as you. The biggest challenge in most relationships is that in my opinion if something is really important to one person but not the other of they dont compromise it eventually will damage the relationship.

Lovely_1 3 years

Well said spacekatgal!

Lovely_1 3 years

Well said spacekatgal!

spacekatgal 3 years

I think it's incredibly unrealistic to think relationships shouldn't be work. Can you think of anything else in life that's rewarding that doesn't have to be tended to? A education, a career, a skill, kids, and friendships all take work. It's just that it shouldn't be an uphill battle all the time.

Lovely_1 3 years

Absoutly! But you shouldn't have to work until you resent. You do it because you are deeply in love with the person and you want to be with him or her. The perfect website to help explain this: http://www.theartofloveandintimacy.com/2009/02/love-or-loving-my-most-important-post.html

Lovely_1 3 years

Absoutly! But you shouldn't have to work until you resent. You do it because you are deeply in love with the person and you want to be with him or her. The perfect website to help explain this:http://www.theartofloveandintimacy.com/2009/02/love-or-loving-my-most-important-post.html

onlysourcherry 3 years

This is silly, but there is this line from Scrubs (I know, I know) where he says something like "couples that are meant to be together face the same problems, but at the end of the day one of them is going to stand up and fight for the relationship." Source aside, I really like that idea and think it's true.

onlysourcherry 3 years

danakscully64 3 years

I agree with both of your posts :)When I think of the reality of marriage, I think of a quote from Runaway Bride: "Look, I guarantee there'll be tough times. I guarantee that at some point, one or both of us is gonna want to get out of this thing. But I also guarantee that if I don't ask you to be mine, I'll regret it for the rest of my life, because I know, in my heart, you're the only one for me."I also think of Sara Bareilles song Fairytales. I believe many women (and men) expect to find their soulmate and believe that when it's the right one, it will be easy. I know people like this, once the relationship gets hard, they bolt. The honeymoon phase definitely ends, but that doesn't mean the rest of the relationship is going to suck. Love changes, people change.

danakscully64 3 years

I agree with both of your posts :) When I think of the reality of marriage, I think of a quote from Runaway Bride: "Look, I guarantee there'll be tough times. I guarantee that at some point, one or both of us is gonna want to get out of this thing. But I also guarantee that if I don't ask you to be mine, I'll regret it for the rest of my life, because I know, in my heart, you're the only one for me." I also think of Sara Bareilles song Fairytales. I believe many women (and men) expect to find their soulmate and believe that when it's the right one, it will be easy. I know people like this, once the relationship gets hard, they bolt. The honeymoon phase definitely ends, but that doesn't mean the rest of the relationship is going to suck. Love changes, people change.

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