Bad Dreams About Boyfriend

This question is from a Group Therapy post in our Community. Add your advice in the comments!

My boyfriend and I have been dating for a year and a half. I really love him and we generally have a great relationship, but definitely with our share of ups and downs. The downs have mainly been due to fears and insecurities I have — it's my first really serious relationship (I'm in my mid-20s and a life long commitment-phobe!), so feeling this vulnerable is overwhelming and scary for me at times.

Since the beginning of our relationship I have always had dreams about my boyfriend that range from neutral (we're out with a bunch of friends but not really talking to each other) to terrible (he's with an ex or I'm cheating on him with someone else). I get the good one on occasion, but it's rare. These dreams really mess with my head. It's terrible when you wake up in the morning and that's the first thing you think about! It can throw me into a funk and get me ruminating on something all day to the point where I pick a fight with him about it later. Really unhealthy behavior. But it also makes me really worry about where these feelings and fears are coming from, and if any of them are legitimate.

I should add that prior to this, I usually didn't have dreams that I remembered. Once a week, maybe. Now it's 3-4 times a week at least. And most focus on him or people I know through him. I was also never the person who had 'great' dreams — no sitting on the beach drinking coronas in my REM cycle! They are always a little bizarre or action packed. Just for background.

So my question is: what does all of this mean? Is this normal? Is there anything I can do to stop it? I'm tired of waking up with a pit in my stomach — some nights I'm hesitant to fall asleep because of this! Thank you.

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