Even when we have the best of intentions when setting up friends, it's not always a home run. One of my friends passed along this text message convo that occurred after she tried to play matchmaker with another girlfriend of ours and a random guy on the dating app Tinder. Sadly, she quickly realized that the guy is a little slow on the uptake. Either that or he doesn't know the difference between compliment and complaint.
Like the teenagers it targets, it seems Seventeen magazine could use a lesson in self-censorship. The periodical, targeted to girls ages 12-19, is receiving some harsh criticism after an article on its website promoted the positives of online dating, Fox News reports. While it's common knowledge that teens meet on social media platforms, critics were shocked, in particular, by the fact that the magazine did not discuss the dangers of online dating. Nor did the article note that online dating sites like Match.com state users must be at least 18 years old before they can register as members.
"They should indicate the dangers of online dating due to their young readership. Cyber-stalkers are a serious danger to children and teens and anytime you encourage online communities for kids you have to be educated on cyber stalkers," Nicole Clark, teen educator and director of the documentary Cover Girl Culture, told Fox News. "Seventeen magazine is giving cyber-stalkers a gift wrapped dream present: tweens and teens who are seeking love online from someone online."
If you're online dating, be it on OkCupid or eHarmony, you're probably all too familiar with the stages that come with the territory. From self-doubt to stalking (don't deny it) to jumps for joy, searching for love on the web comes with a roller coaster of emotions and experiences. Whether you've learned many an online dating lesson the hard way or just created your first profile, here are all the ups and the downs. Click on and get ready to have a laugh on us.
We're happy to present this post from one of our favorite sites, YourTango. You can meet some pretty amazing people on the Internet. But you can also meet Mr. Wrong. Save yourself some trouble and think twice about accepting any of these guys' friend requests.
If you have ever tried your hand at online dating, chances are you've undoubtedly encountered at least one of these six guys. But have you ever thought about what's behind the common profile type, and whether or not he'd make a good boyfriend? With these men, you should read the red warning signs.
The Clueless Guy
He posts pictures of himself surrounded by beautiful women who are wearing very little clothing, as if he's looking for the next member of his harem. Or he posts a picture of himself wearing an "FBI: Female Body Inspector" t-shirt and thinks it's cool.
Why you shouldn't date him: This guy is probably not looking for anything remotely serious. And if he is, he'll likely lack any intuition about how his actions will make you feel.
Mr. New Beginnings
On his profile, he talks about how he never thought he'd be dating again or how he's new to the dating arena. It is clear from his narrative that he's just come out of a serious relationship, one he had hoped would last.
Why you shouldn't date him: He's not emotionally ready to move on if he's still dwelling on where he's just been.
The Perfectionist
He makes a specific list of traits to which you'll have to measure up. You must love to cook, be of a certain height, be very sensual, speak three languages, and have traveled to at least five countries.
Why you shouldn't date him: With the perfectionist, everything will likely be calculated, and you'll always have to adhere to some predetermined set of standards. He won't be able to adapt to change or just relax.
For three more guys to watch out for, head to YourTango: Six Guys You Meet Online and Why You Shouldn't Date Them
Check out more great stories from YourTango:
This question is from a Group Therapy post in our Community. Add your advice in the comments!
I'm a member of a dating site. The way this dating site matches people is by their answers to public questions relating to sex, morals, religion, etc. In one of the prompted questions, I truthfully answered that I was a virgin and really never gave it much thought thereafter.
Last night I was chatting with a potential suitor, and I was playfully and jokingly saying that I don't really get a lot of bites from the men I truly want to date. First the conversation veered to the fact that it's because I'm "extremely attractive" (his words, not mine) and not a lot of men will message me or message me back because of the intimidation factor (which I thought would dissolve over the internet, but guess not).
Then the conversation veered to the fact that I'm a virgin, and this perfectly lovely guy stated that even though it's not his opinion, a lot of other men steer clear of virgins because they don't want to "teach us" and because we appear pious and religious. The latter is not true, by the way. Another guy pal told me that guys are confused that an attractive girl could ever be a virgin, and that since I'm such a baffling enigma, I am kept at arms length.
Anyway, now I'm thinking: should I delete my answer to that question? My thinking was that if men were so turned off by a virgin, my answer to that question would act as a filter — getting rid of the guys who have no interest in being with me because of something as silly as virginity. I rationalized that it's better that they never approach me (I guess), than date them, tell them I'm a virgin somewhere along the line, and then watch them disappear. In the latter scenario, I will have wasted my time and effort.
What do you think? In some way, I feel like deleting it would be to shame myself ("Ha, I'm 21 and still a virgin, what a loser. Let me hide this information away, far, far away!") But on the other hand, I can see how it can be TMI.
So delete or not to delete?
Thanks!
Have a dilemma of your own? Post it anonymously in Group Therapy for advice!
Will you accept this . . . dating app? Well-loved host of The Bachelor and The Bachelorette Chris Harrison is introducing a new dating app called At First Sight, a joint venture between him and the franchise's creator, Mike Fleiss. What sets this smartphone app (available on iPhone, Android, and iPad) apart from all the other online dating apps out there is that it uses video profiles. With the popularity of the Vine app, it's no surprise that this is the next evolution of online dating, and I actually think it's a great idea. It's a lot harder to photoshop yourself in a video, plus it's a quick way to see your personality. Watch newly minted bachelor Chris Harrison demo the app now, and tell us: will you try it?
Whether you're on eHarmony, Match.com, and OKCupid all at once or you could never put a profile out there, one thing is for sure: online dating is here to stay. Meeting people on the Internet is so ingrained in our culture, we can barely remember a time before chat rooms. And it's not just for young people hoping to have a little fun. A recent study found that more than a third of new marriages in the United States began online. So it's no surprise that there are a variety of onscreen examples of online dating (some more accurate than others). Each of these movies about finding love on the web offers a specific message we can take away. So whether you're a fan of online dating or the whole thing creeps you out, here are 10 films that explore modern courtship.
— Additional reporting by Tara Block
We're happy to present this excerpt from one of our favorite sites, The Good Men Project. Is online dating proving to be a challenge, and not the fun kind? Luckily, Kelle Sparta offers her tips to help you show the world the best parts of yourself — instead of the worst.
If you've been trying to find a relationship online and you're not getting the results you want, then read on, dear fellow. Perhaps you're making social faux pas without even knowing it.
Related: Help! My Boyfriend Wants to Wait Until Marriage For Sex!
All of this advice has been collected through my own personal experience of being a woman looking for a relationship online, and by talking with other women like me. Of course, some women may disagree with me. I'd love to hear from readers what others in the comments whether they have made the same observations that I have.
Your Profile
Let's start with the fact that your profile looks more like a laundry list than an essay. You've listed facts and given me nothing emotional or even personal to hang my hat on. I want to know who you are, not just what you do for work and that you enjoy going out to dinner and long walks on the beach. (And please avoid this cliché! If you haven't been for a long walk on the beach in the last month, you don't love it.) Give me something real. Give me an idea of how you would make me feel if we were on a date together. Paint a picture of who you are with your friends and family. Let me get to know you. And write twice as much as you think you need to. We want more information, not less.
Your Picture
I want to see a picture of you — up close — without your sunglasses on. I want to see your eyes — they are the most important thing about you because they tell me if you are kind and strong. I want to see a full-body picture of you. And please, pretty please, with sugar on top — smile! Now let's talk about what you're wearing in these pictures. I don't want to see an "I'm With Stupid" or "Female Body Inspector" shirt. It shows a lack of respect and I don't want that lack of respect applied to me. I don't want to see you with a bevy of hot girls around you (who wants to compete with that?) I don't want a picture of you and your ex — even if she is still your friend. If it's your sister, you'd better say as much in the caption or else you look like a player. If there is a beer in your hand in every photo, I assume you're a drunk. If you're in a costume in every photo, I assume you're a child. And if you're alone in every photo, I assume you have no friends. Your photos are a pictorial of your life. Choose wisely, young Jedi.
For 12 more tips, read the full story: Why You Suck at Online Dating
More from The Good Men Project:
If you're looking for love online (and these days, is there any form of dating that's not online?), you know that half the fun is laughing with your friends about the crazy dates, horrific profiles, and other pitfalls of online dating. There are the little white lies slipped into profiles, photos from decades ago, and those dreaded moments when computer chemistry doesn't translate to real-world chemistry. We've rounded up the most chuckle-worthy Someecards on online dating truths to share with your fellow online daters — or even new boyfriend — so you can remember it's OK to not take your love life too seriously all the time!
We're happy to present this excerpt from one of our favorite sites, YourTango. Not much luck with online dating? It's not you, says this matchmaker.
Let's be honest: Online dating doesn't necessarily make it easier for you to find a partner . . . but it should!
You answer hundreds of boring questions that are out of context only to realize you just spent over 45 minutes giving personal data about yourself that gets publicly displayed and shared with the site owners. Sound familiar?
In the current breed of "old dog" dating sites, there are a lot of users who just "pose and show off" to market themselves, answering questions dishonestly to make themselves seem more desirable. That makes it harder for you to select the singles who are right for you. When examining matches, we should cut out this "noisy data" and focus on the real goal: finding a compatible hook-up, friend, partner, soul mate . . . whomever you are searching for. Plus, we should be able to do this quickly, easily and accurately. Don't you agree?
But online dating does not know how to re-invent itself. I saw this first-hand at the iDate conference in Las Vegas this January. As a single person using online dating sites, you face many challenges, and the sites cannot solve them. The number one, root cause under examination? The matching algorithm based on explicit user data.
The reason why OKCupid's "maths-based" matching algorithm — and that of any other dating site that provides a compatibility score based on the users' explicit answers to questions — is flawed is because the data they collect is garbage. The saying goes: "Garbage in, garbage out." No wonder you end up going on dates with people you don't fully connect with or who misrepresent certain aspects of their persona.
Why is their data garbage? Here's why: the matching algorithm collects inherently biased data, because it requires users to "explicitly" answer questions about themselves and what they look for in others. These are things which they may be aware of and choose to "tweak in their favor", or they may not even know the answer to themselves!
OKCupid is an old dog with new tricks. While the site has a decent interface, it creates the illusion that something smart is being calculated in the background. But it's not rocket science. Rather, it's all smoke and mirrors. While their calculations are accurate for what they intend to measure (whatever that may be), I question the validity of both what they claim is a "match" and the inputs they're using to calculate this with. In my humble opinion, their matching algorithm is incomplete and biased because they ignore some key attraction and compatibility indicators such as implicit personality, flirting styles, astrology, skill and scent. More importantly, the data used for it is contaminated with "explicit positive portrayals."
For the rest of the tips, head to YourTango: Why Online Dating Doesn't Work.
— Seb Coman
More from YourTango:
