Online Dating as a Virgin

by Tara Block 3

This question is from a Group Therapy post in our Community. Add your advice in the comments!

I'm a member of a dating site. The way this dating site matches people is by their answers to public questions relating to sex, morals, religion, etc. In one of the prompted questions, I truthfully answered that I was a virgin and really never gave it much thought thereafter.

Last night I was chatting with a potential suitor, and I was playfully and jokingly saying that I don't really get a lot of bites from the men I truly want to date. First the conversation veered to the fact that it's because I'm "extremely attractive" (his words, not mine) and not a lot of men will message me or message me back because of the intimidation factor (which I thought would dissolve over the internet, but guess not).

Then the conversation veered to the fact that I'm a virgin, and this perfectly lovely guy stated that even though it's not his opinion, a lot of other men steer clear of virgins because they don't want to "teach us" and because we appear pious and religious. The latter is not true, by the way. Another guy pal told me that guys are confused that an attractive girl could ever be a virgin, and that since I'm such a baffling enigma, I am kept at arms length.

Anyway, now I'm thinking: should I delete my answer to that question? My thinking was that if men were so turned off by a virgin, my answer to that question would act as a filter — getting rid of the guys who have no interest in being with me because of something as silly as virginity. I rationalized that it's better that they never approach me (I guess), than date them, tell them I'm a virgin somewhere along the line, and then watch them disappear. In the latter scenario, I will have wasted my time and effort.

What do you think? In some way, I feel like deleting it would be to shame myself ("Ha, I'm 21 and still a virgin, what a loser. Let me hide this information away, far, far away!") But on the other hand, I can see how it can be TMI.

So delete or not to delete?
Thanks!

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