Tweets About Dating and Sex November 2013

by Tara Block 0

It's Friday funny-tweet day — ready for a good laugh? We rounded up the best and brightest tweets from the ladies who keep us happy on a daily basis with their witty, ridiculous musings in 140 characters or less. Read their hilarious tweets from the week below, and find out what they want for Christmas here. For even more social love, follow us on Twitter!

Word.

No money, boy problems. Am I right ladies????

— jacqueline carbajal (@jackiecarbajal) November 20, 2013

So True

The reason why Charles Manson can find love and I can't is because love is literally for crazy people.

— Meghan O'Keefe (@megsokay) November 21, 2013

Hot . . . and Minty

Just dropped my vibrating toothbrush into my cleavage, misting my face with toothpaste and inadvertently creating a new kind of fetish porn.

— Winona (@winona_rose) November 21, 2013

So Simple and yet So Genius

Dating Tip: Post gross pictures of yourself on dating sites so when you do meet someone you already exceed their expectations

— sallybrooks (@sbrooks13) November 18, 2013

Keep reading for Sexiest Man Dead and more.

Heyooo

You can keep your Sexiest Man Alive. I'll be over here with my Sexiest Man Dead. pic.twitter.com/LWNBv3wlhK

— Mandi Harris (@MandiHarris) November 20, 2013

They Aren't Easy

long-distance relationship tip: don't

— Sputnik Sweetheart (@Verlieren) November 17, 2013

Patent That Sh*t

I'd buy a bra that locked you our after three unsuccessful login attempts.

— Julieanne Smolinski (@BoobsRadley) November 17, 2013

It's Like Pulling Off a Band-Aid but With More Crying

Was feeling pretty good about myself then I tried on clothes and now I'm trying to figure out how to tell my mom she'll never have grandkids

— Heidi Selover (@happilyheidi) November 20, 2013

As a Commenter Said: That's How They Got Into That Trouble in the First Place

Dear parents who photograph their children napping or set up dinosaur scenes while their kids are sleeping: You should be having sex.

— Sarah Thyre (@SarahThyre) November 20, 2013

It's Basically the Same Thing

Guys will any of you loan me one of your big cozy sweaters and/or love me for as long as we both shall live?

— Tricia (@Im_Tricia) November 22, 2013

What's Mine Is Ours

no babe its our belly button lint now

— erin (@home_napping) November 22, 2013

It's a Fine Line

Twitter is all about making men scared of you yet also in love with you.

— Stephanie Mickus (@smickable) November 22, 2013

True Love Is Sharing Cheese

i have so much cheese. i'd share it with my boyfriend. i want to share!

— steph in space (@spacecadetsteph) November 21, 2013

Short Answer: Yes

has anyone ever died from reading someone's online dating profile

— priscilla (@BBW_BFF) November 20, 2013

Best Idea Ever

Commenting "That's not how he likes it" on all of my ex's new girlfriend's Facebook photos, especially any taken at weddings.

— Stephanie McMaster (@Smethanie) November 17, 2013

:/

Why would I need "5 Signs You're Incredibly Single"? Pretty much the one big sign should do me *rolls over* Yep, still single.

— Paige Baker (@vpbaker) November 19, 2013

Some Women Just Have That Instinct

I fucked a younger guy after his mom dropped him off at my house so don't tell me I'm not maternal.

— Kasey Koop (@KaseyKoop) November 21, 2013

Safety First

As I stand here watching another sliced finger gush blood, I wonder if having a boyfriend would be a good idea for safety alone

— Shira (@shiraselko) November 21, 2013

But What Does It Mean?

Just saying I should be able to tell people I call my vagina The Underground Railroad and not have to explain it.

— Bez (@Bez) November 22, 2013

And Do You? Really?

I'd really like a second tattoo, but I can't think of anything else I want on my body for the rest of my life. Maybe a husband.

— Megan Ganz (@meganganz) November 21, 2013