How to Deal With a Disappearing Guy

What to Do When He Disappears

July 8, 2013

We're happy to present this post from our friends at YourTango. Today, YourTango experts give us tips for getting over the all-too-common disappearing act.

When a guy disappears, we often find ourselves confused and hurt. We don’t know why it happened or what to do. Instead of getting angry and crazy, follow these steps:

1. Be patient. It is possible that something serious has come up for him. Instead of assuming he’s ditched you, give him the benefit of the doubt and wait it out. Be patient and don’t contact him. It could be a family emergency, or he could just need a little time to think about his feelings for you. Whatever the reason, it is best to be patient.

2. Distract yourself. The best way to be patient is to distract yourself with something else. Make plans. Fill your calendar. Get all your chores done. Watch movies. Do whatever you need to do to keep your mind from going crazy with wonder and to keep yourself from contacting him.

3. Don’t stalk him. Resist every urge to check his Facebook page, his dating profile, his Twitter, his website, etc. Don’t try contacting his friends. Keep reminding yourself that he is choosing not to pay you any attention, so you should not pay him any attention. Checking up on him will only give you more information to think about, which will make it more difficult to get over him.

4. Don’t worry about why. If you haven’t heard from him for a few days, you’ll probably start wondering why. You’ll replay all of your recent conversations, you’ll reread your texts, and you’ll make things up in your head. None of this is productive. If he doesn’t have the courtesy to let you know what’s going on, you shouldn’t concern yourself with it. If something serious has come up, he obviously doesn’t want you involved. And if he doesn’t want to date you anymore and doesn’t want to tell you why, you shouldn’t care about the reason.

5. Accept that you’ve been dumped — by someone who is selfish and rude. If you haven’t heard from him in a week, it is probably safe to say you’ve been dumped. But instead of remembering all that was good about him, remind yourself that it was quite rude of him to disappear. If he didn’t feel chemistry, he should have said it. If things seemed to be moving too fast, he should have said it. If he was looking for something different, he should have said it. It is very selfish of him not to consider your feelings. Instead of missing him and wanting him back, recognize that you have now seen a different, very real side of him that is unattractive. And communication is key in relationships. If he can’t say what is on his mind, be glad you didn’t try to move forward with the relationship.

For five more steps, head over to YourTango: What to Do When He Disappears: 10 Steps to Moving On

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