Best Tweets on Dating and Sex From January 2014

It's that time again. . . . Ready for the funniest tweets of the past seven days? In this week's Tweets Girls Say, we've got gyno pickup lines, the relationship version of Chicken, and that awkward moment when you scream the wrong guy's name during sex. Check 'em out now, and for even more funny, follow us on Twitter!

On Dating and Relationships

Accidentally typed in my birth year as 1968 and was like HA! What am I, the guys I date?

— Stephanie Mickus (@smickable) January 30, 2014

When a guy says he "doesn't want a relationship right now," he means he'll bang you, but he can really do better.

— Tricia (@Im_Tricia) January 29, 2014

Here let me salt your food with my tears. -me on a date

— Bez (@Bez) January 31, 2014

Seeing who rolls away first mid-cuddle sleep is the relationship version of Chicken.

— Chelsea Davison (@chelsea_davison) January 30, 2014

"I now pronounce you...man and emergency contact"

— Megan Amram (@meganamram) January 31, 2014

I use the transitive property in love advice. "His girlfriend loves being an asshole. He loves her. Therefore, he loves being an asshole."

— Mandi Harris (@MandiHarris) January 31, 2014

This hangover has lingered all day. If it stays any longer I might have to buy it dinner and I forgot how to date.

— jacqueline carbajal (@jackiecarbajal) January 27, 2014

On Sex

Goodbye Sex, Hello Bras From Costco!

— Li'l Edie Surly (@JennyPentland) January 29, 2014

My boyfriend and I were having sex and my mom knocked on our door to ask if we saw the story on the news about butter.

— Stephanie McMaster (@Smethanie) January 25, 2014

So embarrassing when I accidentally scream the wrong guy's name during sex (JESUS CHRIST).

— Kasey Koop (@KaseyKoop) January 25, 2014

Why do men always ask what we want during sex? The answer is cunnilingus 100% of the time and they know it

— Kim (@Kim_pulsive) January 26, 2014

I feel like I know more about Beyonces sex life than I do my own

— Whitney Cummings (@WhitneyCummings) January 27, 2014

I got new fancy sheets so the next guy I have sex with in my bed better be a gentleman if he's not I'll just put my old gross sheets back on

— AmberTozer (@AmberTozer) January 28, 2014

cool date idea: roleplay cowboys and Indians who are kinda curious about butt stuff

— priscilla (@BBW_BFF) January 29, 2014

fuck yeah i want the D (dessert)

— Sputnik Sweetheart (@Verlieren) January 30, 2014

following calling them "mah sexies" I'm starting to think my underwear isn't so sexy after all

— Allison Fields (@allisonfields) January 30, 2014

I want to publicly apologize for every time I said "you could at least buy me dinner first!" to my gynecologist.

— Laura Benanti (@LauraBenanti) January 28, 2014